My husband often accuses me of being “too afraid” of almost everything, of living on the safe side, of drawing my line too close, of being worried and preoccupied (“pre” being the key here). He is probably right. Sometimes I do wish I was more loose, more adventurous, and less worried about the what ifs.
It is in the simplest things during the day that my mind goes left, goes down, and it foresees what could go wrong, more often that I’d like to admit. If I take the kids to the trampoline park, I sign the waiver thinking “It is with good reason they make us sign this! The kids could collide and break their necks and be left paraplegics! “- but I don’t say it, just think it…
If we are driving up or down a windy mountain road I get ridiculously nervous in the car thinking: all it takes, is a skid of the tires, a second-long distraction, an irresponsible driver coming the opposite way, to cause disaster.
When I cross the street on a busy road too, I think how easy it could be for a distracted driver (or pedestrian) and end someone’s life in a very brief moment.
I really do wish I would not think of these things, the probabilities, the downsides. During these dark moments, I resort to thoughts of pleasant images or, of the positive than can come out of a certain occurrence. For every chance of something bad happening, there’s the counterpart to make the 100% right? Yet, all it takes -for me- is to watch the depressing news channels for 5 minutes to bring me crashing down again; to realize what a sick, perverse and messed up world we live in; to realize how blessed I am to live in this “bubble” where it is safe, where, today, we have jobs, food, health. Just today- I never take any of this for granted.
So, as an extraterrestrial, like I stated in this blog’s Title, I often disassociate myself completely -in my mind- from human kind. From everything: cultural beliefs, prejudice, my life’s own experiences and exposures, any type of learned behavior in a true attempt to see earth from afar.
I see these millions of beings struggling in a place where they don’t really understand or respect each other. A place where instinct (very primal and animal) takes over their conduct in abhorring ways. I observe what happens in other far away parts of “my” world and find it hard to believe that while I sit comfortably in bed, with a cup of warm delicious tea typing my thoughts in motion, another woman stands in a dry abandoned land with little ones she can’t feed and a man in her life (that she is probably afraid of) that she calls her husband, and not necessarily by choice. And at the same time, while I hear children playing somewhere close to my house, other children are being shot at just for the simple reason of daring to go to school. How sick is this earth, how unfair and uneven and impossible to understand are all these crises that surround us.
In this extraterrestrial state of mind , I feel disgusted and ashamed of the human race. I have never been much of an animal lover (a fact widely known by those close to me) , but it is at times of sad reflections like these, that I have to concur …animals can be so much more civilized and intelligent than us .
If human race “started” from the same origin, branching out by the millions every year since the beginning of times (Darwin or Religious beliefs, for the purpose of this thought-it’s not relevant), how could we end up with such different conditions, resources, beliefs, customs, cultures and social standards? Why do Muslims kill Christians for not believing what they do and vice versa? Why are gay people so cruelly hated in many parts of the world. How and why did our brains get conditioned to think that black equals evil or less favorable, hence the use of black for evil characters in innumerable movies and the obvious racism towards dark skinned people?
How did it come to be a well established tradition in some Asian and African countries to mutilate women to “quiet down” or tame their own sexuality? My stomach turns as I type. The list of shameful acts could go on and on, so I just wonder…will the years to come make this world sicker and more creative towards these despicable behaviors?
It seems to me that the increasingly growing access to information has made our lifestyles incredibly different from the ways we knew just a decade ago.
I truly hope that our human kind uses Technology and Information in ways that will better and enrich our children’s lives, but so far, I am more concerned of the contrary happening.
Often, I feel like I am swimming against raging waters when it comes to my kids getting lost in this world of excess screen time and impersonal relationships . Yesterday my son asked if it was okay to thank someone for a Christmas present with a text message. I replied loud and clear: “NO, it is not okay”.
I will end by stating that there is not a single day in which I am not thankful for life, for family, freedom, food and for love. I am not one for setting yearly resolutions; mine come more often than once every 12 months. I lean more towards short term, attainable goals.
Life is frail, yes. But I cannot change that. Today , I want to be less afraid of loss, of failure. I want to cherish every single day, whether at home, at work or most of all, those moments I get to spend all by my self.
2015, here I come!