I closed my eyes tonight and remembered so clearly when my son was around 2 or 3. I’d fill the tub with soapy warm water…I can still remember the scent of the water.
Bath time was a time of playing with bath toys…of making silly hairstyles with foam and water. Of chatting non stop about the ‘why this’ and ‘why that’. Long simple conversations with the occasional cute grammar mistakes.
When it was time to get out…I’d get the cute towels with the hooded corner wrap around his head…with embroidered ducks or bears….or whales.
I remember Enya or something relaxing playing in the background, while I got him dry and dressed warmly in a onesie or a cute themed pajama set. I would brush his thick hair and part it perfectly on one side.
Bed time stories were just as precious. Weather it was the Magic Tree house series (we read all 40+ books) or Frog and Toad; all those adventures we read together were like the magical part of the day. My husband and I would take turns between him and our daughter…so we would have that special time…one on one with both kids separately.
One time, my son got in trouble and his consequence was…he would have to read to himself that night. It hurt me more than him as I really treasured those evenings.
As I walked past his room to read to his sister, he looked at me with begging eyes and said ..”will you read to me mama?”
Tonight I am in bed, reading a book as these memories come flooding back. What triggered them? I don’t know…but I feel as if I close me eyes and remember, then those days won’t seem like they are drifting farther and farther as time goes by, everyday seeming more blurry and distant…because that hurts.
Just as clearly I remember when my daughter was under a year old and at night I would breast feed her in her small cozy room with dimmed lights and calm classical music, in my rocking chair we would look at each other right in the eyes, while she fed. I also remember the smell of her baby clothes, and baby lotion and the warm feeling of her tiny hands on my chest. How her eyelids would start slowly closing with the rocking motion and a full belly, happily drifting into sleep.
Many times I could have just put her down in her crib…but I’d hold her longer and rocked her gently some more, just enjoying her small sounds and her baby scent…her tiny hand wrapped around my thumb or index….thinking “I wish I could freeze this moment forever “.
Being a mother can be hard, exhausting, heartbreaking sometimes. Specially when children are young. But every single hug and kiss and word of admiration for you as a mom, cannot be replaced with anything in this world and makes everything worth it. To see your children grow up into the unique beautiful persons they become and if you are lucky, to see a little bit (or a lot) of yourself in them is a wonderful and beautiful thing.
In my case, with my kids being teenagers now, it has made me remember how tough being a teenager can be: the workloads at school, the friendship troubles, the hormones raging, the feelings of loneliness, the sense of being misunderstood by your parents. Being a mom -for me- has been about being there for them in these hard times, giving them love, hugs and kisses (if they let me!) always reminding them they are a very important part of our family. And also admiring and appreciating them each in their own very different skills, personalities and needs. And understanding that what makes me happy is not always what makes them happy. (This was a tough one for me.)
This last year, went even faster than the one before, and apparently, with age, we feel time goes by faster, so I am trying hard to appreciate and enjoy every single moment, conversation, joke, meal with them, while I have the opportunity to do so.
The kids and my husband ask me what I want to do for Mothers day, and it is so simple. I just want to be with them. Brunches and flowers and chocolate are nice, but it is my children’s’ smiles, hugs and love and the random help in the kitchen or laundry that makes me feel like a million dollars.
Happy Mothers Day to everyone reading this. To all the moms, you are wonderful just for being a mom! May your kids appreciate you not just on Sunday, but every day you are together!
Jan 2nd 2024. I commuted down to work at a time of day when my brain was probably not 100% awake. As I drove on a near empty freeway, I realized I had been mostly disconnected form any News Sources for nearly 2 weeks. I took a much needed Holiday break; my siblings came to spend the Holidays along with their families. It had been almost 4 years since we had spent it together. The kids are so much older now; it was nice to see them all interact more leisurely and relaxed, more than half of them teenagers and the rest in their early 20s. No more little kids games or having to entertain them any more. It was just pure fun in a mostly adult environment. It was my very first time hosting Christmas, and I was a bit nervous about the food, the space and even about having too awkward moments between cousins that haven’t seen each other in so long. But it all went perfectly, even considering our food warming tray decided to flop and the delicious Scalloped Potatoes my husband made where served a bit cold.
I enjoyed every minute, listening to all the sounds, the laughs, the silly arguments; I truly felt all the love in the room, among a family that was authentically looking forward to this time together. My parents would by so proud and joyful, taking in what has become of us, of their grandkids. Our house was packed, day and night, and I loved seeing life in every room. All the meals we had together, cooking alongside my brother and sister in law, who stayed at our place. Listening to stories from my nephews and nieces. How they are young now adults dealing with “real life” problems, like bad bosses and coworkers; realizing how hard it is to pay the rent and put bread on the table. I can clearly see how they are so appreciative of what we -as parents- do to provide for them.
We took a road trip after Christmas, and headed to San Francisco. Stopping along the way in Solvang, Monterey, Carmel, San Luis Obispo, and even Big Basin on our way back to the the Sequoias, we experienced different climates and activities from Theme Parks ( I skipped that one), Bicycling, a lot of walking and even touring around SF on the second level of an open deck. We got cold rain on separate occasions, but we didn’t let it change our plans. We were prepared with Waterproof jackets and “Ponchos” provided by the bus company. We pedaled through the Embarcadero and Fisherman’s Wharf with the rain hitting our faces while our pants and shoes got pretty wet, just to get dry with the sun minutes later. Crossing the Gold Gate Bridge on a bike was liberating. I highly recommend it.
Monterey Coast – 17 Mile Drive
Carmel by the Sea – Cute Alley with a Chocolate Shop
View of the coast from the Golden Gate Bridge
New Years Eve was spent at the game room / dinning area of our hotel (Wayfarer San Luis Obispo)- along with other guests sitting by the firepits outside in the hotel’s patios. We had our own fun , playing games just to stay away ’til 12. There were huge screens in the area that could have broadcasted New York’s drop of ball, but later I found out that the person in charge of the screens forgot to tune in the right channel, and instead left us with re-runs of Law and Order. Not that we cared- it was just peculiar.
By Jan 1st at night, everyone was gone and we were back home. A home that sat empty and quiet with floors that showed evidence of the family gathering of the past 10 days.
As the 50-something old woman that I am, I had missed my bed and my house, so I slept so soundly that night that I had a hard time switching modes on January 2nd to “commuter-work mode”. So I sat in the car half listening to the news, to “catch up”; but it turned out that there was no catching up. The same repetitive depressing stories inundated my ears once again : Irsael, Hamas, China, Taxes, Trump, Biden, shootings, traffic, bla, bla, bla… The only story I was glad to hear was about Philadelphia’s new mayor, Charelle Parker: a woman, a black women, so a first for Philadelphia on both counts. Good for her. Good for them. Good for us.
Next day, after finishing my work at home, I decided to slowly “put Christmas away”. A sad chore I usually procrastinate on ( like many others), so I decide to do it a little bit at a time. It was time to wash all the Christmas themed kitchen towels, so after taking them to the laundry room, I replaced them with my year round plain blue kitchen towels, which described exactly how I felt: blue. I missed my family: the sounds, the scents , the hugs. As every year, I left one little ceramic Christmas tree out by the stove; the one that stays with me all year, to remind me of family, of Christmas time, of cold nights and warm drinks, of Cozy pajamas. It is now chipped since it is never put away, it is the witness to all our kitchen messes, burnt things, quick wipe downs and also delicious meals, comforting soups and all the experiments I make on the stove as well. Like my husband says, the chips add character. So there it stands. Now I look forward to our next family gathering, hopefully soon… Happy 2024 everyone.
Normally parents get excited about the start of a school year: we take pictures, we look forward for the routine and some quality time to work and have the Wi-fi for ourselves (specially if we happen to work from home).
This time however the feelings were bittersweet. My daughter started her Senior HS Year. It is the beginning of the end of this phase. I could tell she was conflicted as well: that morning as she put her little-bit-of make up on, and carefully chose her outfit: “It’s the first impression mom”- she said to me when I suggested something comfortable and cool for these very hot days.
I felt a weight in my chest that day, the whole day, and later discovered all the moms if her friend group felt the same, some even shed some tears as they saw them drive off to school that morning on August 14th. (We have a group chat where we share the goings-on)
It has been a week of looking back, of remembering other “first days”, from Montessori Pre-school to her Covid-Freshman year, where the first day meant getting Camera Ready.
Same goes for my son, who is a year older. It’s all flooding memories of their childhoods that passed by ever so fast.
My arguments and worries are now about curfews, safety while driving, choosing the best classes in preparation for college…and of course College Tuitions, like millions of other parents.
It makes me disappointed and somewhat mad to think that College education is something of a luxury in this country; either you are in the top 1% or will have to borrow money to send your kids to school. Unless of course your kid was able to obtain some kind of grant or scholarship.
Lately I have regretted not being more serious about my kids speaking perfect Spanish during their school years; Mexico would have been an excellent option for them to go to a top tier University for a fraction of the price, while learning more about my country, my culture and of course, practicing their Spanish at the same time.
But regrets are fruitless, so we will do what we can to support them.
It is still almost a year before the kids move out, but it feels so real now, and my mind is on a “countdown mode” where I want to enjoy them as much as I can without being overwhelming and invasive to their space and time- seems like a balance that is hard to accomplish at times.
Changing to more recent events, the news have been inundated by the accounts that took place in Lahaina, HI in the island of Maui. The worst wild fires in the history of the Island. As of today, more than 100 are confirmed dead and more than 1,000 missing, and the old historic town of Lahaina is pretty much gone, scorched to the ground.
On 2013, to celebrate our 10th Year Anniversary, we visited Lahaina for a week, so I clearly remember the town; its bars, restaurants and shops and the famous Banyan tree. It was a beautiful little town by the ocean; seems incredible to think it’s no longer standing.
Also on the news the turmoil in India, where people have been protesting against the discrimination against Muslims and the outrage for the Cast system that officially was gone, but really isn’t. Those arranged marriages than seem like a thing of the past, and are really not.
We -here in the US- lead lives that seem so extremely foreign and far from those practices , that when I listen to those stories on the radio, it feels like I am reading about a novel, and not the life of real people, today, in 2023.
These stories remind me of the book “A Fine Balance” which I read exactly a year ago; it opened my eyes to what is really going in India today, but to hear it on the news makes it so real, and sad. I feel so fortunate that my daughter and son will be free to chose who and how they want to live their adult lives, regardless of their skin color , religion ( or lack of it) or sex orientation. Even if we still have a long road ahead of us -as a country- to be truly fair and unbiased when it comes to gender, religion and race, we are still in a position were -generally speaking- we don’t need to worry about our kids going to jail for marrying the wrong person or practicing a religion that isn’t approved or accepted.
Also on the news and getting a lot of attention: Artificial Intelligence. It is so hard to understand the scope of this wave of technology; it does give me a reason to think hard about how exactly things will be in the work force in 10 years (or 5?) I wonder if people were freaking out like this when the Industrial Revolution took place and millions of people’s jobs were displaced by machines? They say change is good, so I am going for that; it just makes it hard (I guess) to choose a career path when things are changing fast across many industries. So I feel for the younger generations today. I probably won’t be seeing much of this A.I. revolution anyway. 🙂
What I am seeing and will continue to see and hear about every single day is global warming and climate change. Between menopause and these heatwaves in town, well, let’s just say, summers are not enjoyable much. But more concerning are the wild fires and heatwaves that actually keep claiming lives, and the droughts that fuel those fires even more. It has become one of those subjects that I don’t want to read anymore about, because it can be very depressing- specially when the word “irreversible” comes up.
So I won’t read much but, I do what I can to not contribute towards more warming and pollution. Small grains maybe, but it’s better than nothing. Today: reusable ziplocks and no more water bottles in this house!
I found this year to be one with quite a few changes in the way I am living, the way things are done and the new “normals” in our everyday life.
First, I have visited a Veterinarian’s office quite more often than any doctor or dentist. Now that the kids are teens, they don’t get as sick as when they were young – little sponges that brought home all kinds of nasty bugs from school . As for myself, I have been fortunate to enjoy pretty good health overall. As of today, I have never contracted COVID-19, or any of its variants.
Our 5 year old Yorkee-Poodle though, seems to be going in and out of different health issues, from stomach problems to skin conditions. Every time I take her to the Vet, and we have to wait to be seen, she gets impatient and antsy and she always reminds me of those endless hours at the Pediatrician with the kids during their toddler years: a total nightmare… bring Cheerios to get them distracted, , bring toys, don’t forget the diapers and a sippy cup, like a day trip carrying so much junk, just to see the doctor for 10 minutes. I sure don’t miss those years! Expensive Vet visits and all, she is still the reason I walk daily and the one that puts many smiles on my face every single day. Every walk we take, I enjoy, I see different things, hear different birds calling, and every single sunset on our evening walks is different to the next. They still make me want to take a picture…like this one:
Afternoon walk with Cinder
But with every age come different concerns, so now my concerns are…Are they driving safe? Are their friends a good influence? Have I taught them well to make healthy choices when they eat? When will this “hating salad” stage end? How much longer do I have, to enjoy them here at home before the leave and start their new life as young adults? Have I planted enough good seeds in their hearts and minds to be good people, good citizens? good friends?
Often lately I feel like I am approaching the ending part of a milestone in my life. That point where my job as a parent ends; it is not that I will stop being a mom once they leave the home, but my job as a “teacher”, as an important influence in them, as a decision maker in some aspects of their life, will end.
This has meant that I have been frequently finding myself questioning and analyzing the past 17 years of my life, ever since this amazing parenting adventure began. I have to admit I have made several (big) mistakes as a mom, I have learned several lessons, some of them taught to me by my own children as they grew up. Those lessons, along with a lot of advice from my parents and the unconditional support from my husband, make me feel today like I have honestly done as best as I could. I have very few regrets (as a mom), but then again, who doesn’t.
Another change is my Telecommuting. I now work only once a week on site, and from home the other 4 days. I am grateful that I am one of those people that have been able to work this way. I feel for those which telecommuting is not an option; all those working in the Hospitality industry for example, hotel clerks, housekeeping staff, cleaning crews. Or basic services like trash collection, supermarket staff, Auto Maintenance, restaurant cooks, not to mention the millions of people in the Transportation and Cargo industries that make ensure that our zillion Amazon purchases get to our doorsteps in a day or two. A lot of these workers probably wish they could stay in the comfort of their home and make a buck, and can’t.
2022 is also the first year in which my son found a job (at Papa John’s Pizza). Making minimum wage and working hard doing anything assigned to him, from folding boxes, to slapping dough, answering calls or cleaning the ovens- work has surely taught him the value of money. He now has a totally different perspective about spending and saving. He frequently translates prices into the number of hours it would take him pay for this or that. Soon he will start as a full time Community College Student so it will be interesting to see how he balances time making pizzas and studying for his exams. I never ever had to work as a student, so I already feel overwhelmed for him, but I trust his capabilities as he is a very determined kid who will not loose focus on a goal once he has it. So much, that he was able to skip the whole Senior year of HS through the CHSP Exam (because High School was a “waste of time”).
Another life changing event: my daughter now drives as well. This is the first school year in which she drives herself to school, and despite the HUGE relief it is to not make the twice-daily 25 min trips down the hill anymore, I cried a little bit that August morning when I saw her drive off at 7 40 am precisely. It was a heavy marker of independence, and since she is the youngest of my 2 kids, it felt like even heavier in my heart. She has a whole system of alarms now as part of her morning routine: one to get up, another one to REALLY get up, another one to start breakfast and the last one to remind herself that if she is not out the door that minute, she will be stuck in traffic. She is extremely organized with school activities, reminders, waivers for day trips, homework, extra academic activities, jeez. It is exhausting sometimes just to watch her unpack and pack her backpack. And to top off her days, she got into serious reading. Over 50 books just in 2022. I absolutely LOVE that, since reading is the one habit that my mother always tried to instill in us. Books, museums, concerts, theatre and travelling. I still get up early, make her breakfast and pack her a lunch, then collect hugs and kisses before she goes to school and say a little prayer so that she doesn’t cross her path with a jerk on the freeway and comes back home safely.
As I look back through all my 2022 photos, I almost relived some of it’s highlights: A visit from my sister and a trip to LA together where she pampered me and treated me to some exquisite restaurants and most importantly, gave me all true quality time and attention to do what sisters do: laugh, reminisce , shop, eat, drink, and then shop some more. We visited The Broad Museum, experienced the Immersive Van Gogh Exhibit and window-shopped in Rodeo Drive, where to my surprise, a lot of the stores are closed now, probably courtesy of COVID-19.
In April 2022, my daughter joined me for an excellent dose of good live 80’s music: Journey and Toto in concert. It was incredibly fun, plus I loved being there with her for her first ever live concert. Now she believes me when I say that listening to a song in the car or a speaker will never be the same as going to a concert. My brother and his wife joined us for that one as well. To my surprise, my daughter had been practicing the lyrics to most of the Set list, so she was next to me singing form the top of her lungs to the beat of Roxana and Africa when Toto opened the concert and she got as hysterical as me when Journey sang Don’t stop believing, Faithfully, Send her my Love and Girl Can’t Help it among other favorites.
In the summer she turned 16, so we had a party for her, the first one where boys where invited. That was a change too…It was all good fun, lots of music and dancing and terrible singing, as any Sweet 16 party should be. We served a Taco Bar, the kids loved it and my husband was the official played Barman making the kids all kinds of colorful fun Cocktails.
As part of the celebration, I took her to New York City, her first time too. I enjoyed watching her take it all in- the tall skyscrapers with their top-floor decks, the many parks from cute little ones to the grand Central Park; the randomness of people and things happening on the streets all at once. The tremendous amount of shop lines streets and boutiques, the delicious overpriced restaurants and most of all , the talent on the Broadway musicals we saw: Hadestown, Chicago and Wicked. We had such a good time and I hope she also got more comfortable moving around in crowded busy streets: when to play it safe and when to her out of her shell to get things done and help when needed.
I also made a trip to Joshua Tree National Park with my friends from my hometown, whom I have know for 35 years now. We rented a 5 bedroom house and spend 3 full days together. There was plenty of hiking, eating, drinking and lots and lots of laughing.
A much needed vacation to remember how important friends and what am important part of my life they have been all these years.
In the fall, after MANY years of having this destination on my list, I was finally able to visit the East Coast during the Fall Foliage. My husband and I flew out to Boston. We spent a couple of days there in very wintery wet weather, but loving it just the same, since California doesn’t seem to grant us that. We took a historical Walking Tour (Freedom Trail) where my children’s History lessons from Middle School came alive in images, words and beautiful buildings that have surely seen so much since the colonization until today. This is not my native country so I didn’t know most of the information we heard, but the similarities to Mexican History – its colonization and horrible abuses to our native population by the Spaniards, was almost like listening to parallel stories.
We rented a car and drove along the coast driving through Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine. I was not expecting such abundant beauty. Foliage so bright and thick, never ending. I couldn’t stop taking photos. Those little coastal towns reminded me of the many Hallmark movies I have seen where there’s always a small town so quaint and friendly you just want to jump in there and believe it is real. We visited several bars and Delis where you could tell people knew each other. I even purchased some postcards to mail back home for the kids ( I am old school in a way). I walked in the tiny US Post Office in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, and the Postal worker asked the customer in front of me “How is your Dad today? Doing better?”
Like I said, like a Hallmark movie scene. I don’t believe I have ever made a trip with a looser agenda, empty days with absolutely nothing planned but driving, exploring, taking photos and walking on the small streets of these towns.
It felt liberating, no plans, often times not even dinner reservations. A 9 day vacation that was truly that: a vacation. I have imprinted in my brain those bright yellow oranges and reds that I will never see in California. I even brought home some leaves with me for a Collage that reminds me of that beautiful coastal land.
Hiking near Sabbaday Falls, NHI 95, New HampshireBoothbay Harbor, Maine
This year also, I joined a local Book Club. I was lagging in my reading habit thanks to Netflix and Prime Video, so I decided to put more commitment to it. I has been very interesting and educational to read books I probably never would have picked and more importantly, to hear other people’s opinion and interpretation of the same book I read. I have learned by listening to each member of the group of people just as much as I learned from the actual books. I wish I had done this years ago, but better late then never!
As we take turns seeing my side of the family every other year for the Holidays, this year wasn’t one to see them, and because of COVID, we have spend the last 3 Christmases here at home, just the 4 of us. While it is nice not to travel during such a hectic time of year, this year I really felt like I missed a family gathering, a larger cheerful group. Being part of it and feeling the love and happiness that these events make me feel. So I am looking forward to a larger Family Christmas in 2023.
Yesterday, Jan 1st, as I started taking down all the Christmas decorations, one by one, every tree ornament, every candle I thought about 2022.
The year ended well: we are all healthy, we have jobs, and we live in a country where so much is taken for granted and yet millions fight for these things every day: freedom, education, or as simple as clean water at the turn of the faucet or electricity at the flip of a switch. Listening to the news about the continuing war on Ukraine and how the people are enduring a tough winter with no heating due to the bombing of the Russians, makes me think of these simple things every day. So yes, the year ended well, very well, was my conclusion as I put away the last of the Christmas Ribbons.
I am hoping 2023 will be a year of enjoying the children as much as they let me, of resting more and reading more and blogging more- and enjoying my husband’s Christmas present:50 First Dates throughout the year- pottery, chocolate tours, movie nights, candlelight dinners, auto shows and even volunteering in some local charity or non profit group.
All year long I look forward to Fall and Winter and just when I feel I am enjoying the nippy weather, and start dusting off the clothes I seldom use, it is hot again.
This past winter -again- I picked some guavas from our neighbor’s orchard. And -again- my family complained about the very strong smell. The mostly sat outside in the patio while they ripened.
I stood one afternoon, peeling them and seeding them, then boiling them with some cinnamon sticks and a bit of sugar and the scent transported me to my home, growing up in Mexico, were every single winter, religiously, we had guavas in the fruit basket. They would fill the whole house with their tropical scent, and almost daily we had them for dessert, in a thick syrup with a splash of condensed milk – it was one of my Dad’s favorite desserts.
Remembering that was almost hypnotic and the scent in my own kitchen today was very comforting. Nowadays I make Guava cheesecake or Guava Jam, but I mostly share it with friends, seeing how no one in my family now likes it.
My both got into the Performing arts last school year, for different reasons, but the fact is that I got to see them each collaborating in the end of school year musicals. I had a few conversations with both drama teachers and I was surprised and disappointed to find out how they struggle to get funds for the class, the sets, costumes, paying choreographers, vocal coaching, etc Apparently, -at least in public schools- Sports get the big bucks. The performing arts must rely almost 100% on donations and fund raising.
I know there are schools which are strong in promoting Performing Arts, but the majority isn’t. I believe that creativity and appreciation of the arts is just as important as exercise; to instill the love for the many forms of arts in our children has many benefits. That is something that my mom always procured while she brought us up; even my Dad tried hard to share his passion for Opera, Zarzuelas and Classic Ballet. He succeeded in the Ballet part. Like I have said before in my blog, I saw my first Live Ballet Company performance when I was 7 years old, and that is when my love for Classical Musical started growing.
I love music in general, but classical music feels more like a place to me than beautiful sounds. It is like a state of mind that I frequently reach out to.
The school year ended successfully; the kids did well in their classes. My son is already driving and my daughter will soon be. Another little piece of the “Letting Go” process. Conversations about adult life and college are more common now, about jobs, about money. The moment when the kids leave the house and start a life of their own feels more real now, more than I’d like. I know that for every parent, seeing their children grow up and be successful in whatever they choose to do, should bring happiness and pride, and a sense of fulfillment. But,…I am not anywhere near those feelings yet.
I frequently remind them that I lived with my parents ‘til I was 29, and married just a few years later; an idea that seems totally ridiculous and out of place here and now.
About a month ago, my daughter asked me one night “when would you say was the peak of your life Mom?”
First I fell comically offended, because the way she worded the question, made it seem like I was in my 90’s on my death bed. But I understood her question. She is at an age (15) where many things seem to go SO SLOW, like having a boyfriend or driving or moving out, or having a job. She wanted to know when the best was coming, according to me. I chose my words carefully to answer.
I told her, when I was little, like 9 or 10, my world was near perfect. I had cousins and friends that I saw almost every day, I went to a good school, had near perfect grades; I absolutely adored my parents and thought the world of them, even though they had their own struggles.
But then I turned into a teenager and started driving at age 14, I happily chauffeured my friends around, picking up, dropping off, wasting gas like crazy, making up any excuse to go out. I enjoyed a financially stable upbringing and even got to travel with the whole family. We went to Europe and Disneyworld and many parts of Mexico, and a Cruise! We ate out a lot in nice restaurants, and yet I learned how to cook a meal. High School was the best thing that had happened to me yet. I started dating and going to parties, the world was my oyster!
And then I started College and boy ! was that super super fun. I met a lot of new people from all over Mexico, I loved my major (Marketing) and did very well in my classes.
But then, I got my first job! And since I was living at home, it was all pocket money! I even had enough to share and help out at home. So, another peak!
Then I moved out to California and met “your Dad” I told her. Found a job and got married, so another peak. A bit homesick but very happy. And soon after, I had 2 children, which brought such joy to my life, a joy that cannot compare with anything else. Super Peak!
She kept listening to my long answer, knowing where I was going. I concluded, “ I don’t have a peak, my life is a ride full of ups and downs but the curve always has been trending upward. There’s no peak, “ I told her, “every stage of your life will have explosive happiness and hard times too.” I think she understood.
Being a Mom to two teenagers has been rough, yes, there are (many) days in which I cannot believe how mean and cold their responses are, and those moments when my eyes get teary and my throat hurts from holding it in, takes me immediately to the mid 1980s when I was just the same snappy teenager (probably worse) with my Dad.
Those memories actually help me go on and help me not take things personal. Being a teenager is tough, hormone craze, confusion, the uncertainty of the future, per pressure, social media and all the crap surround it and the stupid and pointless pressure of College and choosing their path when they haven’t even figured out who they are.
The one that still is and always will be the baby of the house is our dog -Cinder. We have totally migrated from pediatricians to Vets. She is the most loyal and patience creature I have ever met. She -also- has helped endure these tough years, not just me, but all of us at home. She brings the best out of us.
I am not referring to Taylor Swift’s song, but the absolute blank space when it comes to choosing a title for this Blog Entry. There are so many thoughts moving inside my head that it is hard to choose a topic. But I can start with this recurring subject: parenting.
As our kids get older, well into their teen years, I realize how little we know when we decide to start a family. When we grow up and watch our parents from a distance -raising us- or watch movies and TV shows, it seems so ..doable and even easy at times. It would seem sometimes like a story told over and over. You marry, you have babies, they cry a lot but are so very cute, then they start talking non stop, asking many questions. Then they get pimples and tempers, but not too bad, just a phase. Then they decide what do study, which route to take; they date, they drive, they get jobs and maybe marry one day. Then they give us grand kids and come apologize for being mean when they were teenagers. Then the Christmas gatherings get bigger and bigger, like in the movies, where its all a bunch of people overeating and having a good time.
But I had no idea how hard it can be to exercise patience, to not take things personal when your teenagers are rude, to bite your tongue when you are dying to give them a piece of advice but they didn’t ask for it and definitely don’t want it. To take a super deep breath when all you want to do is wring their neck! To hold back tears when they just hurt you so bad with a single word.
How mortifying it is to see them drive away at night and pray that they will be back safe without crossing their path with an idiot or a bully on the road. To see them crying when they are hurting inside, because it hurts almost as much as a parent to feel their pain.
We are now approaching the time when the kids start thinking what they want to do after High School. I had forgotten how overwhelming that can be. I switched majors twice until at last I found my place in College. And now that our kids are headed that way, I realize how immature (generally speaking) kids still are at 18 to be deciding what direction to take for their near future. I now live in a country where kids are almost expected to leave the house and start on their own at this early age. Whether as students or employees or both.
I am having a hard time (still) getting that into my head; in Mexico, in the late 80s, we went to college and lived with our parents almost until we married. That was the norm. So there is conflicting cultural differences between my upbringing and what I see now in 2022 in my own family.
We recently got some good advice from a professional on how to prepare our kids for Independent living; after listening to the reasoning and some examples of failed attempts of teenagers at “leaving home “, I realized how many mistakes I -as a mother- have made. Ironically, while trying to “help” them throughout their childhood, I have also been limiting their capability in problem solving and developing basic skills for life!
I believe these mistakes are the result of:
a) being a mom, which comes with some instinct to protect, to provide, (and we mexican moms are VERY intense at this) and
b) a subconscious need for them to need me, to stay home and not leave the moment they turn 18
The “Empty Nest” terrifies me, that is the truth. I have seen it all too often (my sister and several close friends). The emptiness and the quiet home. The meals for two. The void , in general.
But that is not our kids’ fault; they need support and help to make that transition a good one, a successful one. They deserve it and I am committed it make it happen, no matter how sad it makes me feel to see them growing up and being more independent.
I know I have other things to gain; and I trust they will all come in time.
So I am trying to walk this troublesome and tough time of their life with them, next to them , and not in front of them. I am trying to listen more, to understand their digital humor, their videogames, their language, the music they listen to.
This sometimes proves to be as hard as being a parent! I am sure I am not the only Mom that just DOESN’T get the jokes and the memes on Tik Tok, Instagram etc . Just like theirs….it’s an every day battle!
Days go on with a Pandemic that seems to linger more than anyone would have thought-or wanted. There is so much information AND misinformation out here, causing people to be so divided in regards to vaccines, masks, mandates for certain employees, Government heads and CDC rules and recommendations… it is all one big hot mess, with conditions varying tremendously between countries.
Even though we all got vaccines at home, as many others, we still live with that uncertainty: the possibility of getting sick or of seeing this Virus change into something else that could be more dangerous. I wonder sometimes of wearing a mask to the store or to a concert is here to stay…
I find myself feeling muted in a way when I try to express my attitude while half of my face is covered. Body language sometimes is not enough or inappropriate with strangers. Like smiling at someone so it doesn’t look like you are staring. Or giving someone a dirty look because they are standing way to close to you at the bank line. I feel myself exaggerating with my smile or eyes to get the message across. I might need more wrinkle cream soon!
Also, I feel like my skin is absolutely gross after 10 minutes of breathing in and out with the mask, so I have great respect for all those who HAVE to wear it 8 hours to work. No wonder it takes months to schedule a facial these days.
Most kids are back in school; I went back to work and things have taken a more “normal” course for a lot of people. A lot of companies that have survived so far, have allowed or implemented the “work from home” model; I guess they finally realized that working remotely is not a crazy idea after all. For many, it is actually more productive than being on site.
I called a Medical office a month or so ago to schedule an appointment, and the lady that answered, had a parrot in the back ground, making very loud noises- probably attempting to mimic its owner. It was hilarious. Some other times, I hear toddlers talking or kitchen pans clanking in the background. Just the echo of the call tells you if the person is working form home. Not to mention the zoom calls, where you can see everything from family members in the background, pets, or even worse , someone changing or getting undressed in the back. There is definitely some etiquette and fine tuning to be done by some.
At least I don’t feel so bad when our dog decides to bark non stop while I am on a call. Thank goodness for the Mute button.
Last year my son started riding his motorcycle with my husband. Just short rides, here in the neighborhood. It took me months to relax and think positive and not be sick out of worry. Now, he is 16 and a half and after months of practicing driving, he got his drivers license.
A day which I was looking forward to and also dreaded. The drop offs and pick ups at 2 different schools with two different schedules meant that I had to spend at least 2 hours a day doing just that. So now that he can drive himself to school, that cuts my “soccer mom” time in half. It has only been a week of this new way of moving around, so I am still living with my cell phone glued to my hip in case something happens. Then I remember I started driving at 14 and realize that 16 is ok. Except in Mexico we didn’t have freeways where people drive 70 – 90 miles an hour. So I try to relax and show confidence. We have discussed all the things that can happen when you speed, when you text or talk while driving, etc. My daughter can’t wait to start driving too; she just enrolled in Drivers Education, and I am still processing that her brother already drives.
Letting go, that’s what these years of being a parent to teenagers is about. Oh but it is hard sometimes to no longer feel needed! A sense of freedom mixed with emptiness. This too, will pass.
My daughter had her very first Home Coming Dance at school, an event much awaited, since Freshman Year pretty much disappeared from that class (2024), when students really looked forward to the many experiences that one lives in High School.
Dance, makeup, and a whole look that makes girls look so grown up, and my son driving on his own- all on the same weekend. I felt like I aged 10 years in 2 days.
And speaking of aging…I turned 50 on August this year. Considering vaccinations have been available for almost 6 months now, I decided to celebrate my Birthday with a small party- girls only.
Our back yard is perfect for entertaining and I hired the catering and the music, so there was little to be worried about. Also, I hired my daughter and 2 of her best friends to tend to the guests and make sure things were tidy and running smoothly. They learned how to make grapefruit margaritas and how to pour wine -with measure, haha.
The theme for the party: the 70s. A good friend asked me “why the 70s? We grew up in the 80s…”
The real answer was so long, I decided just to answer “the clothes were way nicer in the 70s”. But here, I can spare the time and provide more detail about why the 70s represent some of the best times of my life: I have no more than 3 memories of my mother when she could still walk without aid, and speak loudly. Those few memories, all took place in 1973 and 1974. My most innocent years when I played with a small oven (that made the most gross cakes, with the heat of a light bulb), I learned how to ride my purple bike, and mostly, when I pretended to be a DJ and recorded many many tapes with my double cassette boom box, all happened in the 70s.
My favorite childhood shows- all in the 70s:
The Bionic Woman, Charlie’s Angels, Wonder Woman, The Little House of the Prairie, The Six Million Dollar Man, Land of the Giants, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Gilligan’s Island, Cometo-San (Princess Comet), and of course- my beloved Mexican Novela “Mundo de Juguete”. My favorite cartoons of all times: The Smurfs, The Jetsons and The Flintstones.
It was also the time when I made my first true friends, some of them which I still have in my life, very close to me even though they are thousands of miles away.
In 1974 was the year that my mom had a stroke, but I was only 3, so for the rest of that decade, I really had no idea how that event would change our lives, my Dad’s and my siblings, every one of us. I never knew her life was in danger until many years later. I don’t even recall what it felt like to have a mom that walked and talked like everyone else one day, and the next have her in a hospital in Intensive Care for days completely paralyzed and speechless. They were happy days, I adored her and probably missed her, but thats is all I remember. Not the pain or sadness.
I remember spending many holiday breaks in Chihuahua with older cousins who were in their teens. Watching them get dressed up and putting on their make up and curling their hair (Farah Fawcett style) was so much fun. That is when I started discovering ABBA, The Bee Gees, Journey, Earth Wind and Fire and Supertramp. That’s what my cousins listened to and I just loved the music. I added all those bands to my Mixed Tapes and boy where they mixed! In those tapes you could find anything from Parchis ( A Spanish kids group that I absolutely loved), to Mexican Balladists that my Mom loved like Camilo Sesto, Napoleon, Emanuel, as well as the American bands that teenagers listened to.
So the 70s to me are all memories of fun, naivety, true friends, afternoons playing outside at the park across the street from our house, making prank calls, and really, not a care in the world. I was such a nerd back then, that even homework was never a burden.
The few weeks I spent planning my 50th Birthday party, every single day was flooded with all these memories and realizations of the huge influence the Disco Music had in the 80s Pop Music, and the 70’s gorgeous fashion still has in today’s trends. It was a very happy day, I spent it with friends I care about, and that have known me for many years, some of them even met my parents when they were still alive. My brother and sister in law surprised my the very day of my birthday – despite the US-Mexico Border closure to land traffic, they managed to fly in and just appeared on my doorstep on August 20th. I cried of joy, of surprise and of so much love felt through their embraces. My husband supported my “All Girls” themed party and made our back yard look amazing. He was smiling big whenever I looked at him.
These (almost) two years of non stop bad news and disease, have definitely changed my perspective about the value of life, health, of waking up every single day feeling grateful for all that I have, not the things, but the people that surround me -near and far- and that make me feel so loved and appreciated. And when things get tough or too dark I remember…like they say in AA meetings. ONE DAY AT A TIME :).
Tsunami. Tsunami is the word that came to mind when I found out that my good friend’s husband has COVID, and another friend’s mother died due to COVID yesterday.
Eight months ago we were sending messages and news links about Tom Hanks and his wife, getting the virus. They were one of the very first well known people that got it. Throughout the following months we have all seen the spread get closer, and closer and closer to us. It seemed so far at first, we felt safe and unreachable, at least I did. But today ,… I don’t.
This morning I received a link to participate (virtually) in the mass celebrated to say good bye to my friend’s mother that recently passed. She had been sick for over 3 years, Alzhaimer’s Disease, and all the complications that come with it. She was home bound, under care and supervision around the clock towards the end. I don’t know many details about her condition, but I do know she got infected with COVID, most likely through one of the caregivers, or any family member that visited.
I clicked on the link not really knowing what to expect, it was the first time I participated on a similar event online.
I saw a near empty church. The service was limited to 15 atendees max. I saw family members with half their face covered by a mask, and even if the camera was placed atop and far from the attendees, I could almost feel the sadness, the emptiness, the loneliness in there. The husband, now a widower, stood on the first row, distanced from his two sons, in a suit that he seemed to once have filled and today looked big because his body had shrunk from sadness and emotional exhaustion. He looked small, so small. When he walked to the casket to say good bye to his beloved wife and placed a flower on it, he dragged his feet and seemed almost unwilling to go on.
When the service ended, the husband and his two sonds held each other, surounding the casket. It was, hearbreaking and painful to watch.
When we say good bye to our parents, we want to see a church that is full, completely full and overflowing with friends, family, to pay respects and show their admiration, their love, their support. To hug us, to hold us, to assure us that everything will be ok. To tell us that our dearly departed are resting peacefully. But in Covid times, the ones left behind get nothing like this. Not even close. It must be enfuriating to be deprived of a respectful and dignified ceremony. Deprived of a homely Wake to celebrate their lives, their moments that will forever be remembered.
These times are hard in so many ways, for the sick, for the families that have lost loved ones, for the unemployed, for struggling parents that cannot go back to work, and for young struggling students who are suffering from this both academically and emotionally. Hard for teachers and school staff trying to please all parents, even if they ask for the impossible.
People are stressed, people are being tested and a lot of them, wearing thin. Holiday season is here way sooner than it normally comes.
I visited the mall last weekend and it was almost sad to hear Christmas songs the first week of November in the stores. It is almost like shoppers need to be soothed into calmer environments and better moods. In the end, they want us to shop, of course! It just seemed almost like a “pretend world” built to keep the economy moving, and keep people employed.
This will be a very hard Christmas for millions of Americans, with no jobs. I hope all of those who- like me- are fortunate to still have jobs, find a way to lend out a hand, to volunteer, to donate, to share.
Changing to happier matters, I have learned to make bread this year. It is still a mystery to me why, during this pandemic millions of people went crazy buying toilet paper and baking. I am guilty of the latter, not the first.
I made my first loaf of bread, I also learned how to make (and can) jams and jellies.
I also came to know some exotic fruits that grow close to our home, they look beautiful and taste delicious. Dragonfruit is one of them.
My husband and my son worked together more than usual this year. He set his mind to teach him different useful skills; woodworking being one of them.
Together they worked on several projects, one of them -by request- is my new scarf holder. It is nice to see teenagers do something other than sit in front of a screen.
Well, lives are changing, and so is the way we perceive and appreciate simple things, like not wearing a mask at the store, feels like you forgot to put your shirt on! Also, I have found myself more than once, leaving quite a bit of space between my car and the car in front of me on a stop light. It is like my brain is now trained to social distance without even thinking. Even when I drive!
I am still taking my daily morning walks with our dog, Cinder. She has become dangerously attached to me, to the point of having separation anxiety even if I go out to water plants. Walking her daily down the hill and up again has definitely helped me stay more active. Not just that, but I really enjoy the fresh air, the silence, the birds singing and chirping like crazy. Not much changes on our route. Same scents, only the citrus blossoms come and go with the season, but same friendly neighbors, dog walkers, noisy beehives, grumpy neighbor than never waves , our dog’s favorite spot to sniff on. Recently the only change I have seen is that one of out neighbors took down their TRUMP 2020 flag…
This Pandemic has lasted so long, that the days have changed in their dusk and dawn times during these 8 months we have all been home.
Tomorrow I will take out my winter clothes again (if you can call it a winter when temperatures drop from the 80s to the 60s). I put them away in March and now I am getting cold in my own house again. 2020 really has seemed like a breeze to me; even though for others it seems like an endless nightmare.
We are planning a trip to the desert for Thanksgiving. It will a different holiday for sure. But we all need a break, change, fun times. Hope we get it all!
It has been almost 8 months since COVID 19 has severely altered the way the world functions, the way people behave, communicate, work, and nowadays…sleep. And I mention sleep, because I can only assume millions of people world wide are loosing sleep or sleeping poorly due to all these changes, which have mostly been changes for the worse.
As I said before in my previous post, I am fortunate enough to still have my full time job and I am able to perform all my duties from the comfort of my home.
I live in an agricultural area some 8 miles away from lights, noise and traffic; here, space is a given. Almost every night we can see the starry skies, hear nothing but nature sounds (coyotes mostly!) and enjoy cool air even in summer’s hottest nights. During the day we get to see the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets, when the sky has a palette of oranges, pinks and blueish purples. Traffic on our street (dead end) consists of the 7am-8am rush hour when maybe 5 trucks pass by . Mostly landscapers and orchard workers that are picking the Season’s fruit from surrounding orchards.
So, overall, we are so very fortunate to feel free and not secluded, relaxed and not overwhelmed by the tensions of hysterical neighbors who are desperate to get out, frustrated children kept inside against their will. Or overwhelmed by super busy sidewalks flooded with dog walkers and parents pushing strollers when the evenings come. Not a day passes by in which I feel thankful for this. Neither do i take it for granted.
Ever since we cancelled the TV service a year ago (Satellite TV) we have been more disconnected from the everyday news channels, and for months it was fine. When the Pandemic Started, I felt the need to reach out and “connect” to News Websites (mostly NPR and the BBC, since I have no patience for the politically charged US networks). After all, I need to be in the know regarding the governor and mayor’s mandates which keep changing every couple of weeks, depending on the epidemic trends.
Usually while I am working I will listen to an hour of news or so in the morning and then disconnect. That will get me the thick of it, if I missed something big later during the day, I always end up finding out through my husband, friends or quick Memes that are already making fun of this or that.
In the beginning I tried not to listen to too much, because it is all so negative and depressing, so I mixed it up with Podcasts about movies, books, art, or anything else. Nowadays, it is impossible to hear any channel or podcast without the content being about the world today or at least, content that is greatly influenced by current events: COVID and Elections.
The thousands of business closures and the massive job losses, have changed the way we look, the way we move, the way we communicate. It is totally normal and fine to see women with inch-long roots of grey hair, or wearing flip flops showing off cracked dry skin on their heels, and a haircut that leaves a stylist wondering what exactly did it look like 5 months ago, ’cause there’s no form left at all! No one cares; for many, grooming stopped being a priority, for others, it stopped being affordable. (I personally have tried at least 4 different colors/brands of hair dye this year, so under the sun, my hair looks like I volunteered for a “browns and coppers” sample wig…but like I said…who cares.) Having money for groceries, gas and hopefully rent or the mortgage became sacred priorities for millions of people around the world.
Children have found new spaces and moments with their otherwise super-busy working parents and young teenagers have learned to feel connected in a variety of ways; for some, a birthday celebration these days is a family dinner and a home made cake. For others it is a small gathering on a front porch wearing masks and keeping a safe distance. Or a 12 car caravan parading by the front of the “Birthday Home”. Goody bags went from candy to a bag with puzzles, coloring paper and Do It Yourself Hand Sanitizer. Who would have thought?
I have seen the most awesome home made videos of Dads and daughters dancing together and Moms doing Yoga with toddlers; it seems like 2020 will see the birth of Zillions of new bloggers and You tubers. Everyone has the tools and the time, so You Tube has evidently been saturated by everything we can think of- not all great- but, we choose what we want to watch, right?
In June we had planned a trip to the Ozarks, in Arkansas; a Family Reunion, under works for 3 years, and the majority agreed it was best to cancel. Families from Iowa, Illinois, Arizona and California were all coming together, adults and kids of all ages, from 72 to 2 year old. Too much risk, specially considering we were flying there.
Instead we cut the group small and decided to drive to Zion National Park, Utah. The park was partially closed, shuttles where out of service to avoid crowded buses, but we still enjoyed it quite a bit. The views were gorgeous. And it was nice to see my in-laws.
Zion National Park, Utah
On our way there, my daughter and I spent a night in Vegas, which had just reopened some of the hotels. The city was deserted: Vegas as I had never seen it. Most restaurants were closed and more than half of the casinos too. It was nice to avoid crowds and long lines though. I just wish people were more empathetic and wore masks just like employees were required to.
Other than that 4 day trip, we have only been out to the beach a couple of times. Beaches in California are crowded and whenever public Parking Lots are closed, it is quote the challenge to find a spot. But it has been worth it. The feeling of openness and the constant reminder of how tiny we are standing next to the water is refreshing in a way.
La Jolla Cove, California
These past moths I have gotten very close to my daughter. We spend several hours a day together, in the evenings specially. We watch different series on Netflix and Amazon, we worked out at least 3 times a week in the summer and now that she is back in school I miss her company.
Our grapefruit trees had a goos season. I picking as much as I could, and froze several gallons of juice, but ther where so many left, and eventhough I shared many with friends, it was impossible to pick it all.
Our Avocado trees did pretty well this year too so I was able to share dozens of this precious delicious fruit too. In California buying an Avocado is like buying a luxury item at the store, so..they are, really, priceless!
Between my street neighbors and us, we have traded Lemons (tons of them!), limes, oranges, Raspberries, Blackberries, Mulberries, Passion Fruit, Kale, grapefruit and avocados. This summer I learned to like Eureka lemons (I was always partial to limes). I have made lemon bundt cake, many many pitchers of lemonade and one of my new favorites: lemon bars!
More recently, I have gotten lots of pomegranate and guavas.
The smell of guava is extremely strong- I admit it. A single guava can make your whole house smell like it. But its scent reminds me of my home, in Mexico. My mom used to love guava (Guayaba, in spanish). When it was guava season, our fruit basket never failed to have at least half a dozen. We learned to eat them fresh since we were little, and also boiled in syrup with condensed milk, it was a super tasty treat. My dad loved them too.
Guava scent marks the begining of Holiday Seasons, Christmas, Punch, family gatherings, delicious desserts with nuts and dulce de leche. So I didn’t mind at all that our whole ouse smells of it. But one day after I go tthem, everyone at home starting complaining about the smell! I couldn’t eat them fast enough by myself, so I googled a recipe to turn them into jam, and ….wow. Mindblowing. I made several jars, and the next day, I made chicken pot pie and had leftover dough, so I made a few turnovers filled with jam. Wow again….I gave my neighbor -the one that gave me the guava to begin with saying she was not very fond of them- a jar and a large turnover and she loved both. It made me so happy to share that with them! One has to acquire the taste. Its really not a popular fruit in the US.
I am slowly but surely recovering still from my wrist surgery, I can slice and chop now (yey!) and open most jars too. It’s incredibly empowering: opening a brand new jar of Jam or pasta sauce without asking for help.
A lot of uncertainty has passed- elections passed, schools started, although most with distance learnign programs only, the markets are pretty unstable still, . There is a lot up in the air still, the approval of a vaccine, it’s mass production and distribution, and the questions of…how will our new president handle all these crises that he will inherit in Jan 2021. But at least in my case, I am handling this way of life better than I was a few months ago, despite the uncertainties. I am learning to live a day at a time. I am learning that it is OK not to always have a plan for everything. I want to transmit this peace and calm to my family and my friends because the last thing we need is fear, panic and negativity.
Thankfully, I can afford to be calm in the midst of this crisis, but I will not let my guard down and I will follow as best as I can what the experts and the authorities are asking of us : wear a freaking mask, wash your hands and keep your distance. It is not hard, I really don’t understand the thousands of Californians and Floridians (among manyothers) that are so very offended by the simple face cover request. COVID-19 deniers and the like…it is truly embarrassing. The US showing its true colors to the world. It is no surprise that we haven’t been able to get the spread under control, like dozens of Asian countries already did…I pray that our leaders get a grip and guide us through this quickly and successfully. Well, …most leaders, I know there are some we can definitely not count on. But we can not leave it all to them…what we simple citizens do everyday counts…each aeveryone of us.
Many of us started this year with cheer, optimism, firm resolutions and in some cases, looking forward to a milestone that was going to happen: promotions, graduations, re-locations, new businesses opening.
It is the end of a decade, also, year of reelections in an already politically charged time in this country.
Despite several warnings from years ago coming from Health , Science and Disease Control experts about the threat of a Pandemic and suggested preparedness on different levels, the world -with the exception of a handful of countries- was not prepared at all for what is happening right now.
I remember first hearing about COVID19 towards the end of January 2020 -back then referred to generically as a Coronavirus.
It sounded like one of many diseases that are so far away; one more virus that the world would easily survive with timely treatments and vaccines for. It felt (to me at least) like living in the US, we were absolutely safe from some disease going on in China. Most of us continued our lives as if nothing had happened. One more piece of news that we listen to and forget about 10 minutes later .
A half a dozen people in China died- is what I heard back in January. Well, more people die per day in Libya, or Syria, or even here in the US due to the Heart Disease or Diabetes, Flu, or a stupid shooting, or even worse, of hunger. Those were my thoughts. My concern really started when the news channels (all the ones I despise and the ones I tolerate as well) were all reporting incessantly about it, specifically the exponential growth and the fact that it had spread to other countries and to passengers on Cruise Ships: the ideal place to spread a virus even faster.
Still, we all went about our business, went to work, went to the gym, ran the endless “soccer mom” miles, went to the movies, met with friends.
All the while, the red zones indicating the spread of COVID-19 on world maps kept growing.
The first week of March, as I was leaving from work, I tripped, lost my balance and fell. The result was a broken Radius, on my right arm.
Besides giving birth and a horrible case of Strep throat I had years ago, this was by far some of the worse painful moments I have lived. I don’t know what scared me the most: the thought of getting into Urgent Care in the middle of a pandemic, or finding out about my three fractures and the potential need of a surgery.
The following 3 weeks were the worst. Pain, and a big heavy cast all the way from my knuckles to my armpit. Then surgery, which was super scary: the idea of being in a hospital, full of people who were hopefully healthy but possibly had the COVID-19 and were asymptomatic was terrifying. Also, my mom died during a surgery, on the table. So, despite our very different ages and health conditions (when she passed), the thought didn’t escape me for a minute.
During these first weeks I was in total mental despair and lost it more than once. And every time I was on the verge of getting extremely upset, I thought about all the people (specially my mom) that have lived with permanent disabilities or -even worse- without a limb. I also thought of the hundreds of people dying each day, or fighting for their lives on a ventilator due do the current Pandemic. That provided me with a whole new perspective on my current situation, my life and the world in general. I also took comfort in remembering that my husband -who all the while was extremely supportive and patient- was in a serious car accident as a teen and had his femur broken into pieces. With the use of a temporary rod, and a long road to recovery, he healed and is perfectly fine today.
My respect for the disabled is now even greater than ever. Not being able to open jars, cut or slice anything, do dishes properly, change bed sheets, fold laundry, carry heavy things using both arms, or just struggling with bathing and getting myself dressed, was very frustrating (I am still not 100% recovered). And asking for help from my kids for half the things I was doing, is something they were not used to, and at times, it was upsetting.
This time of social distancing and working from home 100% has helped me adjust and recover, without the need to drive the kids to school, or myself to work on a 70 mile commute.
We have all seen the virus start, grow, peak and decline in different countries. Some much worse than others, blame it on culture, economical and social readiness, political influences, age average , and who knows what else.
Here in the US, these last 5 weeks, it seems like the world has stopped. Humans have stopped, most of us anyway, but nature keeps on breathing and even thriving in most parts of the world. Skies are clearer, beaches are cleaner. I can only imagine how the reduction of ground traffic has impacted our air quality.
I cant’t say enough about how I admire all the doctors and nurses that are out there (not by choice) trying to save lives, while also fearing for their own. Same goes for all supermarket employees and all other essential workers what are out there every single day. Teachers have had to completely shift gears and change the way teach, all the while trying to stay “close” and available to their students. That is also a challenge that was likely hard and required a lot of patience from all those involved.
I have been going to town once or twice a week; we are trying to support local businesses by buying dinner or lunch on occasion, and it really saddens me to see most businesses closed: hotels, restaurants, bars, wineries, gift shops, furniture stores, gyms. Every time I see an establishment closed I wonder, how many people worked there? Are the getting paid at least partially? Are they doing OK? Can they still afford food? Healthcare?
It is a consolation that Utilities will not be disconnected due to lack of payment. So everyone will have water, electricity, phones, gas. And that banks are also being forgiving with Credit Card and Mortgage payments. And despite all the controversy about the checks that were mailed out to those who qualified, I am glad that they were. This measure (assistance checks for individuals) will , for sure, cause some damage to our economy in a not so distant future, but for now, they can help people with groceries, toiletry items, baby formula, diapers, many many things we all need every day.
My daughter and I went out a couple of days ago in the evening, and it really felt like a ghost town. To see the mall and the movie theater completely empty was unreal; same for popular places where you normally can’t find a parking spot or a table.
This is a moment in time that we and our children will never forget; it will (hopefully) change our appreciation for life, for health, for our beautiful parks and mountains; for a hug from a friend, for a night out with your loved one or a Girls night out. For your favorite server and your favorite bar or restaurant. And most definitely, for our doctors, dentists, nurses.
A trip to the grocery store will often remind me of shopping with a mask and gloves, of giving 6 feet to the person next to me. Of the clear shield between the cashier and myself. Or of buying the produce that’s available, and not necessarily the items on my list.
Wiping down with disinfectant every single item I bring home, or washing my hands 15 times a day are a few things I will probably not miss. Or wondering when I will find Toilet Paper or flour available for sale next.
I will miss having the kids and my husband at home, an having lunch and dinner together most days. I will miss the spare time to cook, to bake, to write, and to do nothing at all.
I am tremendously grateful for the safety of my home, for my health and my family’s health. For all the food we are able to buy and store. There is so much uncertainty that sometimes I get caught up in the anxiety that it can trigger. What will happen to schools? Will they resume in the Fall? What will be of the stock market? How are hotels, airlines, cruise lines going to slowly rehire and re-train?
But no one has answers for that yet and worrying won’t help anyone. So I try not to watch news, which lately are more like political campaigns. I stay away from panic-triggering headlines, and I absolutely refuse to read all the crap I get on my phone (videos, links, and the “a friend of a friend of a friend’s doctor said that” type of advice). I have never seen so much misinformation and Hoax on the Internet, Whatssapp, Facebook, you name it; we should all be more responsible with the things we send or forward.
A few years ago , kids at middle school were introduced and encouraged to participate in a Social Media campaign called #ICANHELP; it’s goal is to educate and empower students to use social media positively.
Shouldn’t we adults do the same, specially in times like this?
thoughtsinmotiondotnet 