My husband left last night to his book club monthly meeting; my son went out to SD with his girlfriend and my daughter went out with friends to play pickle ball.

The beef stew that I had planned for dinner sat in the crock pot on the WARM setting for anyone that was hungry for dinner. And so we ate at different times.

I found myself feeling a bit lonely and at the same time embracing my soon-to-be status of an Empty Nester.

I have prepared for this for over 2 years now. Joining a  book club.  Makings new friends, going out more, alone sometimes if no one is available. 

Also, learning to drink wine with the help of my wine connoisseur friends. After all…I live in Wine Country!

Yet…the tough realization of being where I am hits hard at times.

So as I finished my dinner I decided to take our beloved dog for a nice long walk to a green grassy park down in town.

In our neighborhood there’s nothing but dirt,  dry thorny weeds and roadkill next to the roads. That’s  the thing about living in the boonies.

So down we went and parked by a beautiful neighborhood, where plenty of young families live.

It was that time of day when kids go out on their little bikes and teenagers on their e-scooters. Young parents pushing strollers while others watched their kids run around in the playgrounds with slides and monkey bars.

I suddenly felt old, walking my 8yr old dog, with my grays showing because I haven’t had time for a root touch up and my knees popping a bit with every step I took. My back hurting as I bent over to clean up after my dog.

The whole scene brought back so many memories: my husband teaching the kids how to ride a bike and how to fly a kite. Many picnics at the park, play dates with friends (some of which are still friends now in College)

Did I take them out enough? Did I hug them enough and told them how much happiness they have brought to my life?

This September they will both be gone to College. And despite the fact that they will live within a couple of hours of us,  there will be no dinner time with 4 at the table, no breakfast with them as I see them off to school or work.

No  more music and soft singing through my bedroom wall , like when my daughter is singing to her favorite songs late at night when she get home or when she is getting ready to go out.

Or the blender noise from my son making protein shakes who has an amazing will power.

No more whining (me) about dirty dishes in the sink or stove, will I miss that? 

They haven’t left and I already miss them sometimes. 

How does this happen so fast? It is unbelievably sudden, almost unfair how time feels like a breeze.

In many ways I truly feel like I am just starting to learn some parenting skills, how to be a better mom, how to listen and be respectful and how to understand their ways and views, how to not underestimate their capabilities, their smarts, their skills.

And now I  feel like I don’t get to practice and keep learning with them.

But I trust that I can find ways, even from a distance. 

This year, for my birthday I asked the whole family to take a trip together, because we haven’t in years. 

I know this trip will be memorable. It’s one of the last summers before they turn into committed busy adults with jobs and other responsibilities, so I will treasure it for sure. 

At the airport as we were waiting to board I saw all the young moms with strollers, diaper bags, toys and purses trying to balance everything while keeping  a loving and patient demeanor.

Of course it reminded me of all those trips I took travelling with and without my husband with 2 little ones so close together in age that people sometimes asked if they were twins. Just using the restroom was a hassle with all the belongings!

Now, I booked the emergency  row so that my very tall family has leg room on the plane, while I sit one row behind and watch our kids all grown, reading books and watching movies. My son carrying  my suitcase like a gentleman, because he is constantly making sure I don’t hurt my back.

I feel like I am right in the middle of crossing over to that milestone. 

Their milestone and ours as parents when we watch them leave, experiment,  make mistakes, make friends, get hurt, succeed, cook, burn food, burn hours of sleepless nights and everything else that will come with “adulting”.

We are headed to Seattle. We have never been. I tried planning these 5 days with things that are appealing to all or most of us.

I am hoping it goes well and everyone enjoys themselves. 

Rain is in the forecast  but I don’t really care. It has turned into a joy: to smell the wet earth and breathing the clean air afterwards.

It is a treat, since we live in desert-type weather. 

Empty nesting: this phase sure reminds me of how important it it to learn to be happy with yourself, that’s it.  Be self-reliant and truly independent. 

I trust it will teach me more about my children, my husband and our marriage  and myself.