My husband left last night to his book club monthly meeting; my son went out to SD with his girlfriend and my daughter went out with friends to play pickle ball.
The beef stew that I had planned for dinner sat in the crock pot on the WARM setting for anyone that was hungry for dinner. And so we ate at different times.
I found myself feeling a bit lonely and at the same time embracing my soon-to-be status of an Empty Nester.
I have prepared for this for over 2 years now. Joining a book club. Makings new friends, going out more, alone sometimes if no one is available.
Also, learning to drink wine with the help of my wine connoisseur friends. After all…I live in Wine Country!
Yet…the tough realization of being where I am hits hard at times.
So as I finished my dinner I decided to take our beloved dog for a nice long walk to a green grassy park down in town.
In our neighborhood there’s nothing but dirt, dry thorny weeds and roadkill next to the roads. That’s the thing about living in the boonies.
So down we went and parked by a beautiful neighborhood, where plenty of young families live.
It was that time of day when kids go out on their little bikes and teenagers on their e-scooters. Young parents pushing strollers while others watched their kids run around in the playgrounds with slides and monkey bars.
I suddenly felt old, walking my 8yr old dog, with my grays showing because I haven’t had time for a root touch up and my knees popping a bit with every step I took. My back hurting as I bent over to clean up after my dog.
The whole scene brought back so many memories: my husband teaching the kids how to ride a bike and how to fly a kite. Many picnics at the park, play dates with friends (some of which are still friends now in College)
Did I take them out enough? Did I hug them enough and told them how much happiness they have brought to my life?
This September they will both be gone to College. And despite the fact that they will live within a couple of hours of us, there will be no dinner time with 4 at the table, no breakfast with them as I see them off to school or work.
No more music and soft singing through my bedroom wall , like when my daughter is singing to her favorite songs late at night when she get home or when she is getting ready to go out.
Or the blender noise from my son making protein shakes who has an amazing will power.
No more whining (me) about dirty dishes in the sink or stove, will I miss that?
They haven’t left and I already miss them sometimes.
How does this happen so fast? It is unbelievably sudden, almost unfair how time feels like a breeze.
In many ways I truly feel like I am just starting to learn some parenting skills, how to be a better mom, how to listen and be respectful and how to understand their ways and views, how to not underestimate their capabilities, their smarts, their skills.
And now I feel like I don’t get to practice and keep learning with them.
But I trust that I can find ways, even from a distance.
This year, for my birthday I asked the whole family to take a trip together, because we haven’t in years.
I know this trip will be memorable. It’s one of the last summers before they turn into committed busy adults with jobs and other responsibilities, so I will treasure it for sure.
At the airport as we were waiting to board I saw all the young moms with strollers, diaper bags, toys and purses trying to balance everything while keeping a loving and patient demeanor.
Of course it reminded me of all those trips I took travelling with and without my husband with 2 little ones so close together in age that people sometimes asked if they were twins. Just using the restroom was a hassle with all the belongings!
Now, I booked the emergency row so that my very tall family has leg room on the plane, while I sit one row behind and watch our kids all grown, reading books and watching movies. My son carrying my suitcase like a gentleman, because he is constantly making sure I don’t hurt my back.
I feel like I am right in the middle of crossing over to that milestone.
Their milestone and ours as parents when we watch them leave, experiment, make mistakes, make friends, get hurt, succeed, cook, burn food, burn hours of sleepless nights and everything else that will come with “adulting”.
We are headed to Seattle. We have never been. I tried planning these 5 days with things that are appealing to all or most of us.
I am hoping it goes well and everyone enjoys themselves.
Rain is in the forecast but I don’t really care. It has turned into a joy: to smell the wet earth and breathing the clean air afterwards.
It is a treat, since we live in desert-type weather.
Empty nesting: this phase sure reminds me of how important it it to learn to be happy with yourself, that’s it. Be self-reliant and truly independent.
I trust it will teach me more about my children, my husband and our marriage and myself.
Growing up in Mexico, I studied World History and of course, Mexican History. I would be lying if I said I recall details about what was covered in these Middle School and High School classes (does anyone?); I have actually felt embarrassed when I am asked about facts related to the Mexican Independence from Spain and the Revolution a century later, and can’t really answer these questions.
I actually imagine my mom looking down at me from her little piece of heaven, frowning because I am somewhat ignorant about the heroes and traitors that played major roles during these events. Mom, being the very well read and educated woman she was, wouldn’t be proud.
All I can say is, Mexico, as many other Latin American countries, was brutally exploited, massacred and it’s native culture and religious practices annihilated- for a very long time.
That is why, even though I didn’t study US History growing up, when I hear about the times of slavery through my kids, on a documentary or movie, I get it. It’s a very similar sad story of power control, greed and dominance. It is the same story for many countries around the world, and it is still happening today: it is not entirely a thing of the past. And the endless access we have today to information, puts it right there, in our faces, on our cell phones, on the news, TV. This year, my husband and I had a trip to the South in our list. Living in California feels to me, a bit secluded sometimes, protected even. We don’t have much exposure to other subcultures, foods, even weather. So visiting the south was something we wanted, as a learning experience. So this fall, we visited Savannah , Georgia and Charleston, SC.
The southern charm is felt from the moment you arrive at the Savannah Airport; the Décor and architecture is nothing I have seen before at a terminal. We were lucky enough not to have bad humid weather, very little rain, which also means, very few mosquitoes.
Savannah is a BEAUTIFUL city. Incredibly rich in history, landscape and architecture. The many squares and sculptures downtown, and horse drawn carriages gives Savannah a unique “flavor” that I doubt can be found elsewhere in the US. The variety of hotels and restaurants available in the city offer a wide array of experiences from budget friendly hotels to luxurious resorts with Chic roof tops that overlook downtown.
I was willing to try anything local, which was mostly fried-anything. From fried green tomatoes, to fried calamari and, of course, chicken. I tried other delicious seafood dishes that were prepared differently than here in California. People in both Savannah and Charleston were friendly, welcoming and seemed very proud of their towns, their ways and even accent. I had done some research before hand on the “things to do” since we didn’t have much time to spare, and ended up choosing a couple of plantations and the very famous Bonaventure Cemetery. Also, a couple of home tours in downtown Savannah: homes that used to belong to some of the richest families in town back in the days of slavery.
One of these was the Owens-Thomas House. They showed us all the sitting rooms, dining areas, kitchens, bedrooms and also service areas. Since these houses did not having plumbing in their original plans, they explained how , in lieu of a toilet, some armed chairs, and removable seats, with basins under them. Slaves then had to remove and wash these basins. I found it very hard to process this, even though slaves were forced to do much worse. I also kept thinking: this is the south, hot and humid, with no relief from an A/C System back then, so I cannot imagine the heat conditions while they broke their backs harvesting, doing laundry, cooking, pretty much everything.
The architecture and design of these homes was amazing, yes, but none of that really mattered once I started “seeing” what happened behind the scenes; to maintain these residences, where the rich lived, where women sat and gossiped and drank lemonade and read and embroidered kerchiefs and who know what else. There is a point where I couldn’t see the beautiful tiled floors, but could only imagine the enslaved women on their knees scrubbing and polishing ’til they were gleaming….or else…
Owens-Thomas House
The day after, we visited the Magnolia plantation, which spans over almost 400 acres. On the Magnolia tour, we saw the places where rice was grown and harvested; we heard of the very high risks of harvesting rice due to it growing in water, which means collecting the rice among snakes and other unfriendly and deadly reptiles. The average life of a slave that harvested rice was seven years. Seven years, that is it. This place has kept some of the cabins where the slaves lived, during different point in time. From very early until 1990. Yes, there was a descendent of slaves still living there in the 90s.
Magnolia Plantation
A tour guide very explicitly described the life of a slave: from the moment they were taken from Africa, until they were purchased and exploited at their final destination in North and South America. The hours they worked, the meals they ate (if we can call them meals), the pressure to get their wives pregnant (to increase the slave population, of course), and the consequences of not getting their wives pregnant: another men would to the job for them. The early age at which kids started to work the fields. The beatings they got when they broke the rules. This tour lasted about 45 minutes, by the end of which I was nauseous and appalled. It was a lot to listen to, very “graphic”- but I have to say, these are the stories we all need to hear, and be reminded of every now and then. To remember what happened, to realize how human kind can be so perverse and greedy.
I recall that night, after seeing all this, I felt ashamed about going to the rich homes the day before, to admire their architectural wonders and landscaping. I thought then, that children in Middle School that traditionally go visit Washington DC on a School Field Trip, should go to the South instead. Our children need to see this part of the country, to feel it, to understand it beyond a US History lecture.
A week after we came back, I visited my daughter at her College for a day, as she was sick and wanted rest and company. We watched The Help Together. The 2011, film based on the book with the same name, by Kathryn Stockett. It was my second time watching it, however, it felt different after visiting the South and seeing things with my own eyes. My daughter loved the movie and even if she has never been to Georgia or anywhere near, I want to believe that exposing her to films like The Help , Selma and Hidden Figureshas instilled a deeper sense of value and respect for the Men and Women who went through hell in the 1800s in this country, and still are victims of racism.
I also realized, that The Help is a depiction of a not-too-different reality in Mexico, where I grew up. A reality in which the middle and upper classes all have cooks, maids, butlers, drivers, etc. Some more than others, but it is an informal economy of paid help, mostly 24/7, where the employers feel very good about providing a source of income to people that are fortunate enough to have “free” room and board, in exchange for cleaning, cooking, babysitting, driving, during shifts of 12 – 14 hours a day, with one full day (or day and a half if they are lucky) of rest per week, and a salary that I am pretty certain is not a living wage. Women leave their children with their own moms, so they can work, often times they leave their hometowns to find work in more densely populated cities or towns. So these kids grown up with their grandparents and see their moms and dads a few times per year.
I grew up surrounded by help, it becomes normal. You don’t see the problem with this unfair distribution of wealth and the lack of decent living wages in our communities. Instead, we feel good about hiring Help.
I understand the problem is complex and it is not only economic, but cultural too. This trip made me think hard about not only the hired help, but labor in general. Ever since I moved to the US, I have learned that labor intensive jobs are significantly more well regarded and compensated here than in Mexico, and probably in other south American countries. A plumber, a wood worker, an electrician, an HVAC specialist, a construction worker, a Landscaping specialist or arborist, all these jobs are not only expensive to hire in the US, but are perfectly respectable. (We actually get quotes from 3 or 4 providers before we chose!)
Why isn’t that the case in Mexico? Not only it is generally affordable to hire these jobs out, but on top of it people bargain, wanting to pay the least amount possible. What is it that makes us think (and I say “us” because I was part of this culture once too) that these people are not worth what they are asking for? That we can “get away” with paying less? Why do we bargain with the needy at marketplaces or when setting up the fee for a labor-related task? I don’t have the answer, but I notice it. And it doesn’t make me proud to have participated in this many many times in the past. I do wonder if this shift in perspective is something that other immigrants like myself experience too at some point during their assimilation process into the US.
To end this, no, I don’t remember what year was the Mexican Independence or when was slavery first accepted in the US, or when it was officially illegal. All I know is that colonized countries all suffered tremendously for centuries due to similar reasons: oppression, abuse of power, forced labor, forced culture and religion and of course, greed from their colonizers.
Some countries have fared much better than others after their own independence, but the signs and lingering influences are all there, in each country’s history, language, customs, food, and sadly, we also see it in grudges held for decades, in anger, in inferiority and superiority complexes and in racism.
My trip to the south was a learning experience, a reminder of the many things that have taken place in this land, but also a very pleasant and enjoyable stay in one the country’s most beautiful states. A true appreciation of what the black communities have accomplished so far and also, the road that they still have ahead of them. I left Georgia hoping that one day I will go back and find that more employees in higher positions will be black, instead of only seeing them in the kitchens and cleaning crews. If you have never been to Savannah, Georgia…., here is a glimpse of the beautiful streets and homes. Maybe it will make you add it to your bucket list!
Street Scenes of Savannah Georgia and Charleston, South Carolina.
The summer of 2019 my husband drove us to a car dealer to look for an SUV. I was at an all time high of being a Soccer Mom – without the soccer, but Dance and Drama instead (as for the Drama part…both kinds: the performing arts and the teenage one).
I had sworn I’d never be the Van or SUV type of Mom that spends a ridiculous amount of precious time shuffling kids around town and occasionally eating lunch or dinner on the go. But I did; that summer I got my first SUV and realized how much more comfortable we all were, and how much easier it was to get in and out of the car was for me. I was unaware that when you suffer from lower back pain, a low seating Sedan can be torture at times. Carpooling became easy and fun. I enjoyed playing the music my kids (and their friends) liked, singing along and listening to their lively conversations. My daughter, being involved in Performing arts since age 3 ,has always had afternoon classes, performance rehearsals and other afternoon activities. I soon realized that, unless the kids are driving themselves, it becomes part of your lifestyle too. Specially considering that we live 7 miles away from town, where asking for a ride or for someone to pick my kids up has always been out of the question.
So I spent the next 3 years doing a lot of that: juggling driving, my job, dinner, help with homework, etc I have to say, this would have been nearly impossible without my husband’s help, who jumped in to help with all of these responsibilities. (Kudos to single moms / dads)
Looking back, I actually enjoyed it. Not only the trips in town, but dozens of day trips we did to the beach, to visit Museums in LA, Theme parks, San Diego, Broadway Musicals in Orange County, hiking on the beautiful mountains in our area.
When kids turn into tweens and teenagers, they need (or demand?) more privacy and space. Their bedroom doors are almost permanently closed and they don’t want you near if they are on the phone with friends (Facetiming, that is- because today, phone conversations are weird). So those rides became priceless to me -they still are, where we’re all stuck in the car for a while and talk to one another, listen to what they like, share stories, catch up on what’s going on in their heads, with their friends, classes, etc. Almost like dinner time conversation.
Today, exactly 5 years after we bought that SUV, my daughter left our driveway with 3 of her childhood friends, to embark on an 8 day Road trip to Northern and Central California; my little dancer…behind the wheel.
I stood on the driveway and watched them leave just a few minutes ago; I am still processing all the “Firsts” that 2024 has brought and will still deliver later on. And although I try to remind myself that watching our kids grow, learning hard life lessons along the way, reaching more milestones, becoming more and more independent is a GOOD THING, there is still that crushed little piece of my heart that wishes I could go back and see their bouncy little heads in the rearview mirror; have all those conversations with mispronounced words without correcting them.
For my daughter in particular, in 2024 she got to see Europe for the first time, she is taking her first road trip with friends, and hopefully, her first time reading the Propositions and Candidate’s plans and vote on November! Also, her first time living somewhere else other than home, because in only 3 weeks, she is moving out to attend College.
Also, the first time she actually watches the Olympics, from the incredibly beautiful opening ceremony in Paris, to different sports that we have been streaming together. Watching her watching the games, made me realize that when kids practice a sport, any sport (presently or in the past) they have a greater appreciation for what athletes go through to become an Olympian athlete: what they endure, and the tremendous amount of dedication, work and sacrifices it takes just to qualify.
This has been a year of “Firsts” for me too: First time I have a High School student go through the whole ceremony of become a graduate. I grew up in Mexico, where graduating from High School means the same as graduation from Middle school: not much. It’s just expected. But for reasons I do not comprehend, HS graduation in the US is a huge, huge deal. Kids get money, gift cards, presents, trips. They throw parties and attend lots of parties. Parents make “Announcement Cards” (like an Engagement to marry!) Mail them out to pretty much everyone you’d send a Christmas card to. All of this, all of it, was new to me – and uncomfortable at times- specially all that exchange of money and gift cards. But in an effort to adapt and learn the ‘American Way’, I complied and did what most families did. Except…..the lei! I absolutely refused to spend money on beautiful flowers made into a necklace that is meant to be worn for an hour, then shrivel up and die. I asked my daughter what the deal was with the Lei, and she said ” It’s a tradition and it looks nice”. Well, that didn’t make the cut, and she was totally fine with it. If she ever reads this…I don’t want her to feel guilty, so I am just going to say: it seems like schools make a lot of money with all the Seniors graduating. It is excessive and unnecessary and I felt bad for many families going through financial hardships that can’t afford these things, starting with Prom.
Graduation was a very emotional day, watching her and her childhood friends wearing their cap and gown and my daughter walking to the podium to get her certificate.
Prom is a whole other story, emotional as well. The venue was out of town, so I helped coordinate the Party Bus; I remember the day after, when my daughter showed me some pictures and I saw all the kids in the bus standing, with neon lights, holding on to some poles, and I asked her…”You were not seating down? It was a 90 minute ride!!” She laughed and said….”Mom, it’s a Party Bus….you dance and have fun. Did you think we were going to be seating with our seat belts on?” I said…”well…yes!” Clearly, I have never been in a party bus. My friends and I have rented out limos in Wine Country; we listen to music and sing and drink … seated. Jeez, I feel old.
Back to the Road Trip situation, the kids are camping most nights which means two things: driving on mountain ranges and bears. My husband says I am afraid of everything, that I might as well just stay home to be safe. Which is an funny exaggeration but I get his point. Being the apprehensive mom that I can be, I found it hard to sleep last night, thinking of all the what ifs. So this morning I told myself: “I need to trust them, I need to think of all the unbelievable and memorable days they will share and remember forever”.
I will be praying for them all week and try not to be glued to my phone watching her location on Life 360. The Olympic games should get me distracted enough. And when they return, God willing, I will just start all over again, preparing myself for August 22, when she officially moves out and spends her fist night at the her dorm.
They say life is a cycle, and I think it has smaller cycles within; some get easier to go through, and some not so much. But in the end, all of them teach us something. So, here’s to keep living and learning!
It is well know that stress is the culprit of many unhealthy conditions, as is depression (even in a non-clinical undiagnosed form). The loneliness epidemic that millions of people are experiencing these days has led to an increase in mental and physical health conditions, something that baffles me: there are so many of us in this world, and often times we are so close to each other, and yet the loneliness is there, and in some cases, getting worse.
I believe trying to figure out why this is happening is complex and in a way , controversial, and I am no expert in human behavior, but what I do know for a fact, is that the younger generations ( I am currently 52) have a rather different way of communicating with each other than I personally did when I was a kid and even an adolescent.
As much as my kids will hate me for saying this, technology plays a huge roll in these changing patterns of communication and behavior. Today I find myself texting my kids to ask what they want for dinner, or who wants to go to the movies! We as parents (some of us at least) can easily fall into that same “new way” of communication. Same goes for discipline, my Mom and Dad would yell at me when I misbehaved – or missed my curfew as a teenager, in person, no notes or letters or calls – 3 pm or 3am, it didn’t matter. These different ways of expressing ourselves and communicating with each other today have lead to a discomfort or awkwardness -for lack of better words- when it comes to wanting to talk face to face with a friend, coworker or your own kid…or even worse, your partner/spouse.
Looking back, I think of my generation (80s and 90s kids) and remember how we had to say things (verbally most of the time). Things that were hard, or embarrassing or sad. Or even being mean to a friend, you were mean to their face. Along with those face to face conversations was bravery in some degree, but also the empathy we learned by looking at the face or the receiving end of our words. It was clear when someone was being nice, or mean, or mocking you or truly admiring you. Today, I find that it can be hard (or impossible sometimes) to read peoples tones or intentions in a text or email. Younger kids can get confused with what they read: blurred lines between sarcasm, jokes, honesty or true words being read in a text.
I have never stopped encouraging my kids to talk to people, to call, not text. To visit, to plan lunches / dinners with people they care for or might need a friend when going through tough times, but I can tell sometimes it uncomfortable for them…or like they’d say “that’s weird Mom”.
I don’t believe Technology is the only contributor to this new way of communicating (or not communicating); our lifestyles and often too rushed. I know I am not alone when I say there are days when I feel like a mouse on a spinning wheel; always running: work! work! work!… to payout mortgages and bills, to offer our children a comfortable life -as best as we can- and if we are lucky, afford a trip every now and then. But it never ends, it can easily become our “normal” and we only come to an occasional stop when we realize we are tired of the spinning wheel and desperately need a break. This unhealthy lifestyle can also contribute to isolation, when what we could really use, is a friend. A friend we can talk to, not text. A hug, a listening ear. But we find ourselves so tired of running, that we refuse to find time for it.
Everyday, I find myself more overwhelmed with so many apps and chats that I need to catch up with to learn about what is going on; and here’s the not-so-fun thing: if you do decide to unplug for a while and disconnect yourself form all of it, you will -for sure- miss out on information as serious as…your friend’s mom died. Last month this happened to me. I called a friend to say hello, and 3 weeks had passed since her Mom died: I was completely clueless. “I posted it on Facebook”-she said. (like I said before….the new normal)
So, I guess they key is…find the sweet spot, the balance where you can have face to face conversations with your kids and friends and keep up with Technology as well.
I have high hopes that when our future generations are overwhelmed with what my Chiropractic calls “text neck” and “texting thumb” pain (yes, it’s a thing) , at least in the social arena, we will slowly revert to calling our loved ones more often. Maybe then, some of this loneliness epidemic will be a thing of the past.
For now….I will say this: a text can’t replace a call, where you can share laughter and emotions, and sometimes, that’s exactly what we need.
I would love to know your thoughts on this, so feel free to leave me a note on how you feel about this.
I closed my eyes tonight and remembered so clearly when my son was around 2 or 3. I’d fill the tub with soapy warm water…I can still remember the scent of the water.
Bath time was a time of playing with bath toys…of making silly hairstyles with foam and water. Of chatting non stop about the ‘why this’ and ‘why that’. Long simple conversations with the occasional cute grammar mistakes.
When it was time to get out…I’d get the cute towels with the hooded corner wrap around his head…with embroidered ducks or bears….or whales.
I remember Enya or something relaxing playing in the background, while I got him dry and dressed warmly in a onesie or a cute themed pajama set. I would brush his thick hair and part it perfectly on one side.
Bed time stories were just as precious. Weather it was the Magic Tree house series (we read all 40+ books) or Frog and Toad; all those adventures we read together were like the magical part of the day. My husband and I would take turns between him and our daughter…so we would have that special time…one on one with both kids separately.
One time, my son got in trouble and his consequence was…he would have to read to himself that night. It hurt me more than him as I really treasured those evenings.
As I walked past his room to read to his sister, he looked at me with begging eyes and said ..”will you read to me mama?”
Tonight I am in bed, reading a book as these memories come flooding back. What triggered them? I don’t know…but I feel as if I close me eyes and remember, then those days won’t seem like they are drifting farther and farther as time goes by, everyday seeming more blurry and distant…because that hurts.
Just as clearly I remember when my daughter was under a year old and at night I would breast feed her in her small cozy room with dimmed lights and calm classical music, in my rocking chair we would look at each other right in the eyes, while she fed. I also remember the smell of her baby clothes, and baby lotion and the warm feeling of her tiny hands on my chest. How her eyelids would start slowly closing with the rocking motion and a full belly, happily drifting into sleep.
Many times I could have just put her down in her crib…but I’d hold her longer and rocked her gently some more, just enjoying her small sounds and her baby scent…her tiny hand wrapped around my thumb or index….thinking “I wish I could freeze this moment forever “.
Being a mother can be hard, exhausting, heartbreaking sometimes. Specially when children are young. But every single hug and kiss and word of admiration for you as a mom, cannot be replaced with anything in this world and makes everything worth it. To see your children grow up into the unique beautiful persons they become and if you are lucky, to see a little bit (or a lot) of yourself in them is a wonderful and beautiful thing.
In my case, with my kids being teenagers now, it has made me remember how tough being a teenager can be: the workloads at school, the friendship troubles, the hormones raging, the feelings of loneliness, the sense of being misunderstood by your parents. Being a mom -for me- has been about being there for them in these hard times, giving them love, hugs and kisses (if they let me!) always reminding them they are a very important part of our family. And also admiring and appreciating them each in their own very different skills, personalities and needs. And understanding that what makes me happy is not always what makes them happy. (This was a tough one for me.)
This last year, went even faster than the one before, and apparently, with age, we feel time goes by faster, so I am trying hard to appreciate and enjoy every single moment, conversation, joke, meal with them, while I have the opportunity to do so.
The kids and my husband ask me what I want to do for Mothers day, and it is so simple. I just want to be with them. Brunches and flowers and chocolate are nice, but it is my children’s’ smiles, hugs and love and the random help in the kitchen or laundry that makes me feel like a million dollars.
Happy Mothers Day to everyone reading this. To all the moms, you are wonderful just for being a mom! May your kids appreciate you not just on Sunday, but every day you are together!
Jan 2nd 2024. I commuted down to work at a time of day when my brain was probably not 100% awake. As I drove on a near empty freeway, I realized I had been mostly disconnected form any News Sources for nearly 2 weeks. I took a much needed Holiday break; my siblings came to spend the Holidays along with their families. It had been almost 4 years since we had spent it together. The kids are so much older now; it was nice to see them all interact more leisurely and relaxed, more than half of them teenagers and the rest in their early 20s. No more little kids games or having to entertain them any more. It was just pure fun in a mostly adult environment. It was my very first time hosting Christmas, and I was a bit nervous about the food, the space and even about having too awkward moments between cousins that haven’t seen each other in so long. But it all went perfectly, even considering our food warming tray decided to flop and the delicious Scalloped Potatoes my husband made where served a bit cold.
I enjoyed every minute, listening to all the sounds, the laughs, the silly arguments; I truly felt all the love in the room, among a family that was authentically looking forward to this time together. My parents would by so proud and joyful, taking in what has become of us, of their grandkids. Our house was packed, day and night, and I loved seeing life in every room. All the meals we had together, cooking alongside my brother and sister in law, who stayed at our place. Listening to stories from my nephews and nieces. How they are young now adults dealing with “real life” problems, like bad bosses and coworkers; realizing how hard it is to pay the rent and put bread on the table. I can clearly see how they are so appreciative of what we -as parents- do to provide for them.
We took a road trip after Christmas, and headed to San Francisco. Stopping along the way in Solvang, Monterey, Carmel, San Luis Obispo, and even Big Basin on our way back to the the Sequoias, we experienced different climates and activities from Theme Parks ( I skipped that one), Bicycling, a lot of walking and even touring around SF on the second level of an open deck. We got cold rain on separate occasions, but we didn’t let it change our plans. We were prepared with Waterproof jackets and “Ponchos” provided by the bus company. We pedaled through the Embarcadero and Fisherman’s Wharf with the rain hitting our faces while our pants and shoes got pretty wet, just to get dry with the sun minutes later. Crossing the Gold Gate Bridge on a bike was liberating. I highly recommend it.
Monterey Coast – 17 Mile Drive
Carmel by the Sea – Cute Alley with a Chocolate Shop
View of the coast from the Golden Gate Bridge
New Years Eve was spent at the game room / dinning area of our hotel (Wayfarer San Luis Obispo)- along with other guests sitting by the firepits outside in the hotel’s patios. We had our own fun , playing games just to stay away ’til 12. There were huge screens in the area that could have broadcasted New York’s drop of ball, but later I found out that the person in charge of the screens forgot to tune in the right channel, and instead left us with re-runs of Law and Order. Not that we cared- it was just peculiar.
By Jan 1st at night, everyone was gone and we were back home. A home that sat empty and quiet with floors that showed evidence of the family gathering of the past 10 days.
As the 50-something old woman that I am, I had missed my bed and my house, so I slept so soundly that night that I had a hard time switching modes on January 2nd to “commuter-work mode”. So I sat in the car half listening to the news, to “catch up”; but it turned out that there was no catching up. The same repetitive depressing stories inundated my ears once again : Irsael, Hamas, China, Taxes, Trump, Biden, shootings, traffic, bla, bla, bla… The only story I was glad to hear was about Philadelphia’s new mayor, Charelle Parker: a woman, a black women, so a first for Philadelphia on both counts. Good for her. Good for them. Good for us.
Next day, after finishing my work at home, I decided to slowly “put Christmas away”. A sad chore I usually procrastinate on ( like many others), so I decide to do it a little bit at a time. It was time to wash all the Christmas themed kitchen towels, so after taking them to the laundry room, I replaced them with my year round plain blue kitchen towels, which described exactly how I felt: blue. I missed my family: the sounds, the scents , the hugs. As every year, I left one little ceramic Christmas tree out by the stove; the one that stays with me all year, to remind me of family, of Christmas time, of cold nights and warm drinks, of Cozy pajamas. It is now chipped since it is never put away, it is the witness to all our kitchen messes, burnt things, quick wipe downs and also delicious meals, comforting soups and all the experiments I make on the stove as well. Like my husband says, the chips add character. So there it stands. Now I look forward to our next family gathering, hopefully soon… Happy 2024 everyone.
Normally parents get excited about the start of a school year: we take pictures, we look forward for the routine and some quality time to work and have the Wi-fi for ourselves (specially if we happen to work from home).
This time however the feelings were bittersweet. My daughter started her Senior HS Year. It is the beginning of the end of this phase. I could tell she was conflicted as well: that morning as she put her little-bit-of make up on, and carefully chose her outfit: “It’s the first impression mom”- she said to me when I suggested something comfortable and cool for these very hot days.
I felt a weight in my chest that day, the whole day, and later discovered all the moms if her friend group felt the same, some even shed some tears as they saw them drive off to school that morning on August 14th. (We have a group chat where we share the goings-on)
It has been a week of looking back, of remembering other “first days”, from Montessori Pre-school to her Covid-Freshman year, where the first day meant getting Camera Ready.
Same goes for my son, who is a year older. It’s all flooding memories of their childhoods that passed by ever so fast.
My arguments and worries are now about curfews, safety while driving, choosing the best classes in preparation for college…and of course College Tuitions, like millions of other parents.
It makes me disappointed and somewhat mad to think that College education is something of a luxury in this country; either you are in the top 1% or will have to borrow money to send your kids to school. Unless of course your kid was able to obtain some kind of grant or scholarship.
Lately I have regretted not being more serious about my kids speaking perfect Spanish during their school years; Mexico would have been an excellent option for them to go to a top tier University for a fraction of the price, while learning more about my country, my culture and of course, practicing their Spanish at the same time.
But regrets are fruitless, so we will do what we can to support them.
It is still almost a year before the kids move out, but it feels so real now, and my mind is on a “countdown mode” where I want to enjoy them as much as I can without being overwhelming and invasive to their space and time- seems like a balance that is hard to accomplish at times.
Changing to more recent events, the news have been inundated by the accounts that took place in Lahaina, HI in the island of Maui. The worst wild fires in the history of the Island. As of today, more than 100 are confirmed dead and more than 1,000 missing, and the old historic town of Lahaina is pretty much gone, scorched to the ground.
On 2013, to celebrate our 10th Year Anniversary, we visited Lahaina for a week, so I clearly remember the town; its bars, restaurants and shops and the famous Banyan tree. It was a beautiful little town by the ocean; seems incredible to think it’s no longer standing.
Also on the news the turmoil in India, where people have been protesting against the discrimination against Muslims and the outrage for the Cast system that officially was gone, but really isn’t. Those arranged marriages than seem like a thing of the past, and are really not.
We -here in the US- lead lives that seem so extremely foreign and far from those practices , that when I listen to those stories on the radio, it feels like I am reading about a novel, and not the life of real people, today, in 2023.
These stories remind me of the book “A Fine Balance” which I read exactly a year ago; it opened my eyes to what is really going in India today, but to hear it on the news makes it so real, and sad. I feel so fortunate that my daughter and son will be free to chose who and how they want to live their adult lives, regardless of their skin color , religion ( or lack of it) or sex orientation. Even if we still have a long road ahead of us -as a country- to be truly fair and unbiased when it comes to gender, religion and race, we are still in a position were -generally speaking- we don’t need to worry about our kids going to jail for marrying the wrong person or practicing a religion that isn’t approved or accepted.
Also on the news and getting a lot of attention: Artificial Intelligence. It is so hard to understand the scope of this wave of technology; it does give me a reason to think hard about how exactly things will be in the work force in 10 years (or 5?) I wonder if people were freaking out like this when the Industrial Revolution took place and millions of people’s jobs were displaced by machines? They say change is good, so I am going for that; it just makes it hard (I guess) to choose a career path when things are changing fast across many industries. So I feel for the younger generations today. I probably won’t be seeing much of this A.I. revolution anyway. 🙂
What I am seeing and will continue to see and hear about every single day is global warming and climate change. Between menopause and these heatwaves in town, well, let’s just say, summers are not enjoyable much. But more concerning are the wild fires and heatwaves that actually keep claiming lives, and the droughts that fuel those fires even more. It has become one of those subjects that I don’t want to read anymore about, because it can be very depressing- specially when the word “irreversible” comes up.
So I won’t read much but, I do what I can to not contribute towards more warming and pollution. Small grains maybe, but it’s better than nothing. Today: reusable ziplocks and no more water bottles in this house!
I found this year to be one with quite a few changes in the way I am living, the way things are done and the new “normals” in our everyday life.
First, I have visited a Veterinarian’s office quite more often than any doctor or dentist. Now that the kids are teens, they don’t get as sick as when they were young – little sponges that brought home all kinds of nasty bugs from school . As for myself, I have been fortunate to enjoy pretty good health overall. As of today, I have never contracted COVID-19, or any of its variants.
Our 5 year old Yorkee-Poodle though, seems to be going in and out of different health issues, from stomach problems to skin conditions. Every time I take her to the Vet, and we have to wait to be seen, she gets impatient and antsy and she always reminds me of those endless hours at the Pediatrician with the kids during their toddler years: a total nightmare… bring Cheerios to get them distracted, , bring toys, don’t forget the diapers and a sippy cup, like a day trip carrying so much junk, just to see the doctor for 10 minutes. I sure don’t miss those years! Expensive Vet visits and all, she is still the reason I walk daily and the one that puts many smiles on my face every single day. Every walk we take, I enjoy, I see different things, hear different birds calling, and every single sunset on our evening walks is different to the next. They still make me want to take a picture…like this one:
Afternoon walk with Cinder
But with every age come different concerns, so now my concerns are…Are they driving safe? Are their friends a good influence? Have I taught them well to make healthy choices when they eat? When will this “hating salad” stage end? How much longer do I have, to enjoy them here at home before the leave and start their new life as young adults? Have I planted enough good seeds in their hearts and minds to be good people, good citizens? good friends?
Often lately I feel like I am approaching the ending part of a milestone in my life. That point where my job as a parent ends; it is not that I will stop being a mom once they leave the home, but my job as a “teacher”, as an important influence in them, as a decision maker in some aspects of their life, will end.
This has meant that I have been frequently finding myself questioning and analyzing the past 17 years of my life, ever since this amazing parenting adventure began. I have to admit I have made several (big) mistakes as a mom, I have learned several lessons, some of them taught to me by my own children as they grew up. Those lessons, along with a lot of advice from my parents and the unconditional support from my husband, make me feel today like I have honestly done as best as I could. I have very few regrets (as a mom), but then again, who doesn’t.
Another change is my Telecommuting. I now work only once a week on site, and from home the other 4 days. I am grateful that I am one of those people that have been able to work this way. I feel for those which telecommuting is not an option; all those working in the Hospitality industry for example, hotel clerks, housekeeping staff, cleaning crews. Or basic services like trash collection, supermarket staff, Auto Maintenance, restaurant cooks, not to mention the millions of people in the Transportation and Cargo industries that make ensure that our zillion Amazon purchases get to our doorsteps in a day or two. A lot of these workers probably wish they could stay in the comfort of their home and make a buck, and can’t.
2022 is also the first year in which my son found a job (at Papa John’s Pizza). Making minimum wage and working hard doing anything assigned to him, from folding boxes, to slapping dough, answering calls or cleaning the ovens- work has surely taught him the value of money. He now has a totally different perspective about spending and saving. He frequently translates prices into the number of hours it would take him pay for this or that. Soon he will start as a full time Community College Student so it will be interesting to see how he balances time making pizzas and studying for his exams. I never ever had to work as a student, so I already feel overwhelmed for him, but I trust his capabilities as he is a very determined kid who will not loose focus on a goal once he has it. So much, that he was able to skip the whole Senior year of HS through the CHSP Exam (because High School was a “waste of time”).
Another life changing event: my daughter now drives as well. This is the first school year in which she drives herself to school, and despite the HUGE relief it is to not make the twice-daily 25 min trips down the hill anymore, I cried a little bit that August morning when I saw her drive off at 7 40 am precisely. It was a heavy marker of independence, and since she is the youngest of my 2 kids, it felt like even heavier in my heart. She has a whole system of alarms now as part of her morning routine: one to get up, another one to REALLY get up, another one to start breakfast and the last one to remind herself that if she is not out the door that minute, she will be stuck in traffic. She is extremely organized with school activities, reminders, waivers for day trips, homework, extra academic activities, jeez. It is exhausting sometimes just to watch her unpack and pack her backpack. And to top off her days, she got into serious reading. Over 50 books just in 2022. I absolutely LOVE that, since reading is the one habit that my mother always tried to instill in us. Books, museums, concerts, theatre and travelling. I still get up early, make her breakfast and pack her a lunch, then collect hugs and kisses before she goes to school and say a little prayer so that she doesn’t cross her path with a jerk on the freeway and comes back home safely.
As I look back through all my 2022 photos, I almost relived some of it’s highlights: A visit from my sister and a trip to LA together where she pampered me and treated me to some exquisite restaurants and most importantly, gave me all true quality time and attention to do what sisters do: laugh, reminisce , shop, eat, drink, and then shop some more. We visited The Broad Museum, experienced the Immersive Van Gogh Exhibit and window-shopped in Rodeo Drive, where to my surprise, a lot of the stores are closed now, probably courtesy of COVID-19.
In April 2022, my daughter joined me for an excellent dose of good live 80’s music: Journey and Toto in concert. It was incredibly fun, plus I loved being there with her for her first ever live concert. Now she believes me when I say that listening to a song in the car or a speaker will never be the same as going to a concert. My brother and his wife joined us for that one as well. To my surprise, my daughter had been practicing the lyrics to most of the Set list, so she was next to me singing form the top of her lungs to the beat of Roxana and Africa when Toto opened the concert and she got as hysterical as me when Journey sang Don’t stop believing, Faithfully, Send her my Love and Girl Can’t Help it among other favorites.
In the summer she turned 16, so we had a party for her, the first one where boys where invited. That was a change too…It was all good fun, lots of music and dancing and terrible singing, as any Sweet 16 party should be. We served a Taco Bar, the kids loved it and my husband was the official played Barman making the kids all kinds of colorful fun Cocktails.
As part of the celebration, I took her to New York City, her first time too. I enjoyed watching her take it all in- the tall skyscrapers with their top-floor decks, the many parks from cute little ones to the grand Central Park; the randomness of people and things happening on the streets all at once. The tremendous amount of shop lines streets and boutiques, the delicious overpriced restaurants and most of all , the talent on the Broadway musicals we saw: Hadestown, Chicago and Wicked. We had such a good time and I hope she also got more comfortable moving around in crowded busy streets: when to play it safe and when to her out of her shell to get things done and help when needed.
I also made a trip to Joshua Tree National Park with my friends from my hometown, whom I have know for 35 years now. We rented a 5 bedroom house and spend 3 full days together. There was plenty of hiking, eating, drinking and lots and lots of laughing.
A much needed vacation to remember how important friends and what am important part of my life they have been all these years.
In the fall, after MANY years of having this destination on my list, I was finally able to visit the East Coast during the Fall Foliage. My husband and I flew out to Boston. We spent a couple of days there in very wintery wet weather, but loving it just the same, since California doesn’t seem to grant us that. We took a historical Walking Tour (Freedom Trail) where my children’s History lessons from Middle School came alive in images, words and beautiful buildings that have surely seen so much since the colonization until today. This is not my native country so I didn’t know most of the information we heard, but the similarities to Mexican History – its colonization and horrible abuses to our native population by the Spaniards, was almost like listening to parallel stories.
We rented a car and drove along the coast driving through Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine. I was not expecting such abundant beauty. Foliage so bright and thick, never ending. I couldn’t stop taking photos. Those little coastal towns reminded me of the many Hallmark movies I have seen where there’s always a small town so quaint and friendly you just want to jump in there and believe it is real. We visited several bars and Delis where you could tell people knew each other. I even purchased some postcards to mail back home for the kids ( I am old school in a way). I walked in the tiny US Post Office in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, and the Postal worker asked the customer in front of me “How is your Dad today? Doing better?”
Like I said, like a Hallmark movie scene. I don’t believe I have ever made a trip with a looser agenda, empty days with absolutely nothing planned but driving, exploring, taking photos and walking on the small streets of these towns.
It felt liberating, no plans, often times not even dinner reservations. A 9 day vacation that was truly that: a vacation. I have imprinted in my brain those bright yellow oranges and reds that I will never see in California. I even brought home some leaves with me for a Collage that reminds me of that beautiful coastal land.
Hiking near Sabbaday Falls, NHI 95, New HampshireBoothbay Harbor, Maine
This year also, I joined a local Book Club. I was lagging in my reading habit thanks to Netflix and Prime Video, so I decided to put more commitment to it. I has been very interesting and educational to read books I probably never would have picked and more importantly, to hear other people’s opinion and interpretation of the same book I read. I have learned by listening to each member of the group of people just as much as I learned from the actual books. I wish I had done this years ago, but better late then never!
As we take turns seeing my side of the family every other year for the Holidays, this year wasn’t one to see them, and because of COVID, we have spend the last 3 Christmases here at home, just the 4 of us. While it is nice not to travel during such a hectic time of year, this year I really felt like I missed a family gathering, a larger cheerful group. Being part of it and feeling the love and happiness that these events make me feel. So I am looking forward to a larger Family Christmas in 2023.
Yesterday, Jan 1st, as I started taking down all the Christmas decorations, one by one, every tree ornament, every candle I thought about 2022.
The year ended well: we are all healthy, we have jobs, and we live in a country where so much is taken for granted and yet millions fight for these things every day: freedom, education, or as simple as clean water at the turn of the faucet or electricity at the flip of a switch. Listening to the news about the continuing war on Ukraine and how the people are enduring a tough winter with no heating due to the bombing of the Russians, makes me think of these simple things every day. So yes, the year ended well, very well, was my conclusion as I put away the last of the Christmas Ribbons.
I am hoping 2023 will be a year of enjoying the children as much as they let me, of resting more and reading more and blogging more- and enjoying my husband’s Christmas present:50 First Dates throughout the year- pottery, chocolate tours, movie nights, candlelight dinners, auto shows and even volunteering in some local charity or non profit group.
All year long I look forward to Fall and Winter and just when I feel I am enjoying the nippy weather, and start dusting off the clothes I seldom use, it is hot again.
This past winter -again- I picked some guavas from our neighbor’s orchard. And -again- my family complained about the very strong smell. The mostly sat outside in the patio while they ripened.
I stood one afternoon, peeling them and seeding them, then boiling them with some cinnamon sticks and a bit of sugar and the scent transported me to my home, growing up in Mexico, were every single winter, religiously, we had guavas in the fruit basket. They would fill the whole house with their tropical scent, and almost daily we had them for dessert, in a thick syrup with a splash of condensed milk – it was one of my Dad’s favorite desserts.
Remembering that was almost hypnotic and the scent in my own kitchen today was very comforting. Nowadays I make Guava cheesecake or Guava Jam, but I mostly share it with friends, seeing how no one in my family now likes it.
My both got into the Performing arts last school year, for different reasons, but the fact is that I got to see them each collaborating in the end of school year musicals. I had a few conversations with both drama teachers and I was surprised and disappointed to find out how they struggle to get funds for the class, the sets, costumes, paying choreographers, vocal coaching, etc Apparently, -at least in public schools- Sports get the big bucks. The performing arts must rely almost 100% on donations and fund raising.
I know there are schools which are strong in promoting Performing Arts, but the majority isn’t. I believe that creativity and appreciation of the arts is just as important as exercise; to instill the love for the many forms of arts in our children has many benefits. That is something that my mom always procured while she brought us up; even my Dad tried hard to share his passion for Opera, Zarzuelas and Classic Ballet. He succeeded in the Ballet part. Like I have said before in my blog, I saw my first Live Ballet Company performance when I was 7 years old, and that is when my love for Classical Musical started growing.
I love music in general, but classical music feels more like a place to me than beautiful sounds. It is like a state of mind that I frequently reach out to.
The school year ended successfully; the kids did well in their classes. My son is already driving and my daughter will soon be. Another little piece of the “Letting Go” process. Conversations about adult life and college are more common now, about jobs, about money. The moment when the kids leave the house and start a life of their own feels more real now, more than I’d like. I know that for every parent, seeing their children grow up and be successful in whatever they choose to do, should bring happiness and pride, and a sense of fulfillment. But,…I am not anywhere near those feelings yet.
I frequently remind them that I lived with my parents ‘til I was 29, and married just a few years later; an idea that seems totally ridiculous and out of place here and now.
About a month ago, my daughter asked me one night “when would you say was the peak of your life Mom?”
First I fell comically offended, because the way she worded the question, made it seem like I was in my 90’s on my death bed. But I understood her question. She is at an age (15) where many things seem to go SO SLOW, like having a boyfriend or driving or moving out, or having a job. She wanted to know when the best was coming, according to me. I chose my words carefully to answer.
I told her, when I was little, like 9 or 10, my world was near perfect. I had cousins and friends that I saw almost every day, I went to a good school, had near perfect grades; I absolutely adored my parents and thought the world of them, even though they had their own struggles.
But then I turned into a teenager and started driving at age 14, I happily chauffeured my friends around, picking up, dropping off, wasting gas like crazy, making up any excuse to go out. I enjoyed a financially stable upbringing and even got to travel with the whole family. We went to Europe and Disneyworld and many parts of Mexico, and a Cruise! We ate out a lot in nice restaurants, and yet I learned how to cook a meal. High School was the best thing that had happened to me yet. I started dating and going to parties, the world was my oyster!
And then I started College and boy ! was that super super fun. I met a lot of new people from all over Mexico, I loved my major (Marketing) and did very well in my classes.
But then, I got my first job! And since I was living at home, it was all pocket money! I even had enough to share and help out at home. So, another peak!
Then I moved out to California and met “your Dad” I told her. Found a job and got married, so another peak. A bit homesick but very happy. And soon after, I had 2 children, which brought such joy to my life, a joy that cannot compare with anything else. Super Peak!
She kept listening to my long answer, knowing where I was going. I concluded, “ I don’t have a peak, my life is a ride full of ups and downs but the curve always has been trending upward. There’s no peak, “ I told her, “every stage of your life will have explosive happiness and hard times too.” I think she understood.
Being a Mom to two teenagers has been rough, yes, there are (many) days in which I cannot believe how mean and cold their responses are, and those moments when my eyes get teary and my throat hurts from holding it in, takes me immediately to the mid 1980s when I was just the same snappy teenager (probably worse) with my Dad.
Those memories actually help me go on and help me not take things personal. Being a teenager is tough, hormone craze, confusion, the uncertainty of the future, per pressure, social media and all the crap surround it and the stupid and pointless pressure of College and choosing their path when they haven’t even figured out who they are.
The one that still is and always will be the baby of the house is our dog -Cinder. We have totally migrated from pediatricians to Vets. She is the most loyal and patience creature I have ever met. She -also- has helped endure these tough years, not just me, but all of us at home. She brings the best out of us.
I am not referring to Taylor Swift’s song, but the absolute blank space when it comes to choosing a title for this Blog Entry. There are so many thoughts moving inside my head that it is hard to choose a topic. But I can start with this recurring subject: parenting.
As our kids get older, well into their teen years, I realize how little we know when we decide to start a family. When we grow up and watch our parents from a distance -raising us- or watch movies and TV shows, it seems so ..doable and even easy at times. It would seem sometimes like a story told over and over. You marry, you have babies, they cry a lot but are so very cute, then they start talking non stop, asking many questions. Then they get pimples and tempers, but not too bad, just a phase. Then they decide what do study, which route to take; they date, they drive, they get jobs and maybe marry one day. Then they give us grand kids and come apologize for being mean when they were teenagers. Then the Christmas gatherings get bigger and bigger, like in the movies, where its all a bunch of people overeating and having a good time.
But I had no idea how hard it can be to exercise patience, to not take things personal when your teenagers are rude, to bite your tongue when you are dying to give them a piece of advice but they didn’t ask for it and definitely don’t want it. To take a super deep breath when all you want to do is wring their neck! To hold back tears when they just hurt you so bad with a single word.
How mortifying it is to see them drive away at night and pray that they will be back safe without crossing their path with an idiot or a bully on the road. To see them crying when they are hurting inside, because it hurts almost as much as a parent to feel their pain.
We are now approaching the time when the kids start thinking what they want to do after High School. I had forgotten how overwhelming that can be. I switched majors twice until at last I found my place in College. And now that our kids are headed that way, I realize how immature (generally speaking) kids still are at 18 to be deciding what direction to take for their near future. I now live in a country where kids are almost expected to leave the house and start on their own at this early age. Whether as students or employees or both.
I am having a hard time (still) getting that into my head; in Mexico, in the late 80s, we went to college and lived with our parents almost until we married. That was the norm. So there is conflicting cultural differences between my upbringing and what I see now in 2022 in my own family.
We recently got some good advice from a professional on how to prepare our kids for Independent living; after listening to the reasoning and some examples of failed attempts of teenagers at “leaving home “, I realized how many mistakes I -as a mother- have made. Ironically, while trying to “help” them throughout their childhood, I have also been limiting their capability in problem solving and developing basic skills for life!
I believe these mistakes are the result of:
a) being a mom, which comes with some instinct to protect, to provide, (and we mexican moms are VERY intense at this) and
b) a subconscious need for them to need me, to stay home and not leave the moment they turn 18
The “Empty Nest” terrifies me, that is the truth. I have seen it all too often (my sister and several close friends). The emptiness and the quiet home. The meals for two. The void , in general.
But that is not our kids’ fault; they need support and help to make that transition a good one, a successful one. They deserve it and I am committed it make it happen, no matter how sad it makes me feel to see them growing up and being more independent.
I know I have other things to gain; and I trust they will all come in time.
So I am trying to walk this troublesome and tough time of their life with them, next to them , and not in front of them. I am trying to listen more, to understand their digital humor, their videogames, their language, the music they listen to.
This sometimes proves to be as hard as being a parent! I am sure I am not the only Mom that just DOESN’T get the jokes and the memes on Tik Tok, Instagram etc . Just like theirs….it’s an every day battle!
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